Because he’s fucking Tori Hunter that’s why! After you win 9 gold gloves I guess you can pretty much just stare at the sun all day and spin around in circles out in right field if you want. I’m surprised he wasn’t kicking the tops off of dandelions when the ball was hit. Although I might have to draw the line at sitting Indian style with his glove on his head during pitching changes. Baseball isn’t all fun and games.

So here’s the video break down in case it’s too grainy: The ball is hit which he never sees, probably because it’s bright outside. He finally notices it in the air then sprints and dives to catch it, losing the sunglasses that were on top of his hat in the process. Then he picks them up and puts them BACK ON TOP OF HIS HAT! “Fuck You, I’m Tori Hunter.”

Yes I know the sun was at his back and not in his eyes. That doesn’t matter. Is the sun in your eyes all the way down the road when you’re driving? No, you wear them because it’s bright. They should be called ‘bright glasses’ but no one would buy them because that sounds stupid. And apparently owning AND wearing sunglasses on your head of all places does not guarantee that you’re using them correctly. But like I said, 9 Gold Gloves….do what you want.

-Ken

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I submit exhibit ‘A’ to the court: This photo was taken March 10th, 2014 after an NBA game in which LeBron played.

And now Exhibit ‘B’: This photo was taken April 23rd following another NBA game. Looks like someone got a fresh coat of paint.

Actually I can’t tell if it’s a case of canned hair or a moving hairline. Could be shaping it higher to counteract the recession but it seems like it’d have to be a little higher.
Look, LeBron and I don’t have a lot in common other than our horrible fashion sense (I’m currently wearing a 2007 Cavs Eastern Conference Champions T-Shirt for about the 4th day in a row, 1 day of which I mowed the lawn and gym shorts from high school. And when I go to the store later I’m not even going to consider changing) and our horrible hairlines. He choose another team over mine. It hurt. He then has won multiple championships. That hurts too. I’m really trying to find a way to identify with him and like him. I feel like being honest about his impending baldness would make him a lot more likable. For EVERYONE. Just shave it bald and be proud! Then put on a Yankees hat. Hats have been the only acceptable way to hide baldness since our monkey ancestors ripped out all their hair digging for ticks and then dunked their head in a pile of elephant shit to cover it up. I wear a hat, and when I put it on I immediately become 10 years younger and look slightly less menacing and perverted. Even somewhat approachable. If I could wear a hat to job interviews I’d be the most employed person you’ve ever met.

-Ken

I pray to God he doesn't read this post

I pray to God he doesn’t read this post


ESPN- An NFL running back at 52 years old? Herschel Walker says it wouldn’t be a problem for him. “I can play in the NFL today,” Walker told USA Today Sports. “I couldn’t take every snap. But running backs nowadays don’t play every down. Now they send in the choir section. “Physically, I can still do it.” Walker, who said he’s busy with several business ventures, isn’t thinking of comeback. The Pro Football Hall of Fame website lists Jim Thorpe as the oldest running back to play in the history of the NFL at the age of 40. Thorpe played his last down of football for the Chicago Cardinals in 1928. A physical specimen known for his grueling training regimen, Walker retired from the NFL following the 1997 season and has since taken up Mixed Martial Arts, winning both of his fights, the last coming in January 2011. Part of arguably the most-lopsided trade in NFL history in 1989 when he was dealt from the Dallas Cowboys to the Minnesota Vikings for five players and six draft picks, Walker rushed for 8,225 yards in his career.

Before I write any of this, Herschel doesn’t read Blown Call does he? No? Ok good. Will someone stop putting a microphone in front of this guy’s face? We get it buddy, you’re in the best shape out of anyone that has lived ever. You do a billion pushups and sit ups a day and have never had booze or drugs. Congrats, your liver is healthy and you’ve never had the joy of a black out hangover. But do you remember literally ruining the Vikings because you were great in college and did shit in the NFL. Could you play today? Of course you can, you’re still a large person, but that doesn’t mean you will be good. Emmitt Smith could strap it up and play a few downs but he would get his fucking bell rocked just like Herschel would. Go do your pull ups old man, fight some no name MMA guys and watch football like the rest of us and keep those “I can still play” thoughts to yourself.
Here is a link documenting how horrible that Cowboy/Viking trade was

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herschel_Walker_trade

PS I could totally still play WR on a high school team. Book it.

-Jesse

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Everyone knows the Raiders have the toughest schedule in the NFL. The other 3 teams in their division made the playoffs and just about every other team they play did as well. But there were a lot of moves made in the offseason so let’s do a quick break down of the Raiders schedule and a realistic point of view (from a rabid fan) of how they will do this year.
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 7, at NY Jets, 1 p.m. W/L
Playing on the East Coast has been a huge problem for the Raiders and last year they got trounced by the Jets. I know, I was there. But depending on whether or not they let Vick start will dictate this game. Geno=Win, Vick=Loss.
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 14, Houston, 4:25 p.m. W
Since we now have Houston’s QB and this will be our home opener I think we win this one. Hard to pick a team to win that has a new coach and no QB so far.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 21, at New England, 1 p.m. L
They’re still the Patriots? Ok, Loss.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 28, Miami, 1 p.m. (in London) W
This is a tough won to predict since it’s over in London, but I think they are just a better team than the Dolphins so I am predicting win in foggy London town (wow that was gay)
Week 5: BYE W

Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 12, San Diego, 4:05 p.m.
W
Since the Raiders have a bye I always will bet on the team that has the rest. I have no clue if the Chargers also have a Bye and I refuse to look it up until after I post this.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 19, Arizona, 4:25 p.m. W
I think to start the season the Cardinals are the better team. However I don’t think Carson and crew can keep it up this year especially not til Week 7.
Week 8: Sunday, Oct. 26, at Cleveland, 4:25 p.m. W
Because Fuck Ken that’s why.
Week 9: Sunday, Nov. 2, at Seattle, 4:25 p.m.
L
They are still the Seahawks and it’s in Seattle. No reason for the Raiders to even show up.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 9, Denver, 4:05 p.m. L
I think Peyton will play worse than last year but not by much. That D is now really nasty.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 16, at San Diego, 4:05 p.m. L
I think it’s realistic to think we can split with San Diego, especially since they always play better 2nd half of the year.
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 20, Kansas City, 8:25 p.m. W
Our only Primetime game is at home and I think we will show up big for this. It’s a short week though so I could be wrong.
Week 13: Sunday, Nov. 30, at St. Louis, 1 p.m. W
There is a good chance Bradford will be hurt come this time of the year and it’s a 10 day rest for the Raiders.
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 7, San Francisco, 4:25 p.m. L
This one could be ugly for Oakland but I’ll be watching for the stabbing reports coming from the stands.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 14, at Kansas City, 1 p.m. L
December game in KC won’t be good for the Raiders in the loudest stadium in history (maybe?)
Week 16: Sunday, Dec. 21, Buffalo, 4:25 p.m.
W
I think Buffalo will be a good team in a year or two, not sure if EJ can be a good starting QB or not. The snow will not help anything though, gonna need healthy RBs.
Week 17: Sunday, Dec. 28, at Denver, 4:25 p.m. L
Last game of the year, in Denver, most likely facing Brock Osweiler and I still don’t see the Raiders beating Denver.

Well that was fun, for a quick tally I am predicting 8/9 wins. Is that completely unrealistic? Fuck you, that’s my answer. Raider Nation..Staying retardedly optimistic since 2002.

-Jesse

Peace bitch

Peace bitch


CBS Sports- Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has filed for divorce from his wife of over two years, the team announced on Wednesday. Wilson and his wife Ashton were married in January 2012, just three months before Wilson was selected in the third round of the NFL Draft. In somewhat of an odd move, the Seahawks released a statement on Wilson’s behalf (teams don’t usually release statements about a player’s personal life).
“I have made the difficult decision to file for divorce,” Wilson said. “Clearly, decisions like these don’t come easy. Ashton and I respectfully ask for prayers, understanding and privacy during this difficult time. Moving forward, I will have no further comment on this matter.”
The couple met in high school, then had a long-distance relationship while Wilson was at North Carolina State and Ashton was at the University of Georgia. They were engaged in August 2010, just five months before Wilson transfered to Wisconsin.

Hey bro, what's this thing called 'the doggy style'? Are my actual dogs involved?

Hey bro, what’s this thing called ‘the doggy style’? Are my actual dogs involved?


First thing first, this is fucking hilarious. Wasn’t there a huge hoopla over the fact that Russell Wilson was such a good guy, a married guy, one who did gay shit with his wife and Colin Kaepernick was an asshole for being young, rich and banging chicks? I guess a Super Bowl ring changes all that, huh Rus? Not that I imagine there is too much super hot young puss running around Seattle but anything is better than being married after you win the Super Bowl and are going to get a HUGE pay increase in the next year or so. Add in the fact that he was just chilling with Gronk on the set of Entourage and I can only imagine how horrible it would be to have that ball and chain around when you get home. Christ the things he learned from Gronk would make Ron Jeremy blush. Can’t really start asking for anal after two years of missionary while looking at pictures of your dog. And who the fuck has their team do the press release? Only the guy who wants every cheerleader and cleat chaser in the tri-state area to get the message..I’m single bitches, line up!
I'd rather eat poison than leave this party for my wife (if I were Russell of course)

I’d rather eat poison than leave this party for my wife (if I were Russell of course)


Ps How many dudes did this chick get railed by while at Georgia? Is 4000 too low of a number?

-Jesse

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ESPN- New York Yankees right-hander Michael Pineda admitted to using pine tar on the baseball during the second inning of Wednesday’s 5-1 loss to the Red Sox at Fenway Park, but said he did it not to cheat, rather to ensure he did not hit anyone with an errant pitch.It was a really cold night and in the first inning I (couldn’t) feel the ball,” Pineda said. “I don’t want to like hit anybody so I decided to use it.” Pineda was ejected by home plate umpire and crew chief Gerry Davis after Red Sox manager John Farrell came out to complain about the shiny blotch on the right side of Pineda’s neck, which was clearly visible to television cameras broadcasting the game. “I fully respect that on a cold night, you’re trying to get a grip, but when it’s that obvious something has got to be said,” Farrell said.

Everyone just needs to calm down a tad, we’re talking about a guy who was looking out for the safety of others. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t matter one fucking lick that the Red Sox were hitting in the first and he has allegedly used pine tar in the past. He couldn’t feel the ball and didn’t want to ruin someone’s life with a 95 miler to the dome. And about it being on his neck, he’s not a stupid fucking bafoon for doing that, he was just making it the most obvious thing ever that it was there so people would know. He wanted the million HD cameras pointed directly at him to see that he was doing the safest thing possible and adding some grip to the ball. Easy peasy Japanesey. Michael Pineda, the safety watchman of the New York Yankees. They should give him a god damn medal not a suspension.

-Jesse

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CNN- Lupita Nyong’o is having quite the ride. The “12 Years a Slave” actress has won an Oscar for best supporting actress, signed a deal with cosmetics giant LancĂ´me to become its first black ambassador, and now People magazine has bestowed one of its highest honors on her – “Most Beautiful person for 2014.” The Mexican-born Kenyan beauty joins a cast of Hollywood A-listers who have headed the list, including Julia Roberts, Cindy Crawford, Tom Cruise and Beyonce. This year she topped others on the list including “The Americans” star Keri Russell, singer Pink and Johnny Depp’s future wife, actress Amber Heard.

I think People Magazine had their hearts in the right place for this, but this is not an emotional category. She was great in the movie ’12 Years a Slave’ and she won the Oscar for it which was well deserved but this is just horseshit. Is she repulsive? Of course not. Most beautiful in the world? Cooooommmmmee oonnnnnnnn

Just one look at the other 3 people CNN listed and you have better looking women. Amber Heard is fucking breathtaking. Yeah, she’s so hot I had to use the gayest word to describe her. Fucking Johnny Depp. All in all I’m sure it’s really nice for her to win but this is pure, outright highway robbery.

My choices for who should’ve won
Amber Heard
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Blake Lively
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Kaley Cuoco
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And the Hottest Chick in the Streets Right Now…Emma Watson

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She is cut your own dick off with a spoon hot.

-Jesse