Stupid Asshole Kids Haven’t Killed Dead Father’s Cat Yet

Posted: November 22, 2013 in popular culture & entertainment, Sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

Come Get Your Money Bitches! You Know Where I Be…


Yahoo News- Two cats are each enjoying their nine lives in the lap of luxury, thanks to their deceased owner, who left his entire estate to his fluffy friends.
Leon Sheppard Sr., a retired businessman and Memphis, Tennessee, native who died in 2012, has five children, 12 grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren. However, in his will, he left his $250,000 fortune and 4,270-square-foot home in a gated community to his two cats, Frisco and Jake.
According to Memphis station WMC-TV, the cats are to live in the Sheppard home in a way that maintains their standard of living, and the $250,000 will be used for their care as well as the maintenance of the house. After Frisco dies (his age isn’t known, but according to WMC-TV, he’s “old”), the remainder of the money will be divided among Sheppard’s relatives, with the understanding that Jake will be cared for.

It’s unclear how Sheppard’s family feels about the will; however, the local news reporter noted that they do not wish to comment.

The other night I was driving to a restaurant with a friend and a cat basically ran into the road and directly under my tire. The definition of suicide. You could see it in his eyes. He wanted out. No other option available. But I wasn’t expecting this and to be honest, it caught me a little off guard. My initial reaction was that I felt bad for the cat’s family. It was someone’s pet. Tough break for the owner. But within 2 minutes my friend and I were both regaling each other with wonderful and hilarious tales of how we accidentally killed animals through our lives. The fact that the conversation easily lasted the full half hour it took to get to the restaurant is a bit alarming but we were meeting our wives and any pet murdering stories probably wouldn’t have gone over too well during dinner. Luckily we were able to finish the conversation the next day on the golf course. The whole experience became therapeutic. A giant weight has been lifted from my conscience and I feel as though I can get back to what is important in life. Killing pets.
So this is an open letter to the surviving family members of Leon Sheppard. I will end this nightmare for you. I have the experience you need to get what is rightfully yours. Money that you never earned. Look, I don’t have a job. I don’t generate any income to my family. But if all I had to do to start getting a few checks here and there was kill two stupid cats….cats that I know exactly where they fucking live because it should be MY house!…cats that received more love from my father than I did?? You better know I would have been swinging their dead bodies out the front window by their tail before my insane father’s hate filled body had time to get cold. And the fact that none of you have shot or poisoned either of these cats yet is further proof that you are too lazy to do anything to make a buck and you don’t deserve a goddamn thing! Get over to that house and kill those stupid freeloading cats you dumb motherfuckers!!

-Ken

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