“Oh, So You Want Me to Shoot 3’s Now, Huh?”


Cleveland Plain Dealer-“It’s the first time he’s gotten close to showing everybody the full package of what he can do,” Cavaliers coach Mike Brown said. “He’s a guy who can post up, shoot right hand, left hand jump hooks. He can shoot a turnaround jump shot, he can shoot a jump shot. He’s a very capable 3-point shooter. That’s probably the only thing he didn’t show offensively. But just to show some of his versatility on the offensive end, we were able to see some of it throughout the course of the game.”-Mike Brown

So the hilarity equivalent of Brown benching Bynum 5 seconds after horribly missing a 3 pointer is Brown being fired 5 games into the season for horribly coaching the Lakers. And now Cleveland has to deal with both of them. And to make it worse, it’s the second time around that we are forced to watch a completely inept Mike Brown offense. If you couldn’t get it done with the best player in the fucking league, then what makes you think this time is going to go any better? But this is what it’s coming to in Cleveland. Bynum chucking up 3’s while Kyrie probably doesn’t even touch the ball. I don’t care if Brown was even kidding about Bynum being “a very capable 3-point shooter.” (It doesn’t even feel right typing it.) He has no room to joke about anything offensive on this team. Oh, and by the way Brown, you defensive fucking genius you, your team is giving up 102 points a game!
I know it’s only 15 or 900 games into the season, whichever it doesn’t matter; I’m already tired of Kyrie being handcuffed by Brown, Bennett being the WORST bust in NBA history. (Yes even worse than Len Bias because he was at least good at snorting a whole bunch of cocaine. Bennett has a sweet tooth and makes Big Baby look fit.) I’m tired of being petrified that every step down the court will be Bynum’s last until his knees explode and he never walks again. I’m tired of Andy shooting a fucking basketball with sideways spin and still having the highest FG% on the team. And mostly, I’m tired of Chris Grant blowing every top 5 pick like it doesn’t matter because he’ll have another one next year. He could have constructed the NBA’s version of the Globetrotters by now with all of the talent he’s missed on. It takes a special kind of incompetence to be that bad. Damian Lillard would look better on this team, even Ricky Rubio. Cody Zeller is better than Tyler for Christ sake! Bennett misses less than Grant! I’ll take an entire team of guards I don’t fucking care. Since every player settles for jump shots anyway! And especially now that we’re talking about Bynum shooting 3’s! Fuck me!!!

There’s no way the Cavs beat the Heat at home Wednesday night on national TV. NO WAY!! Heat win by 35 and it’s not even that close.

-Ken

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