Fantasy Football Loser Avoids Suicide for One More Week

Posted: November 27, 2013 in popular culture & entertainment, Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

About Sums It All Up


So all 4 of my fantasy teams won this week. What are the odds of that happening you ask? Exactly 1.7%. How do I know? Because I said so that’s how. This kind of thing doesn’t happen. None of my teams are even remotely the same. Most weeks I have Brees fucking and helping me at the same time. I had a scenario this year where I needed Manning to throw 3 TDs to win one league, but no more than 2 to D. Thomas or that was a loss in another. But if Welker got 80 yards that was a win for 2 leagues unless he got a TD. Oh and at the same time in another other league I needed Manning to break both of his legs and die on the field before kickoff or I was fucked…..unless he only handed off to Moreno 87 times. Needless to say my best week up until this point has been 2-2. Going 4-0 in different leagues with different teams means I am a cool person and not at all a loser for having 4 teams right? Right? Hello?

And on a “I hate my life as a Browns fan” type side note, the Browns have signed a Division III QB who is mostly known for throwing footballs into moving vehicles and over scoreboards. Not for winning football games, grasping offenses, or reading defenses. Good job management. Good job. Now you see why I’m so excited about winning some stupid fantasy games.

I can just imagine so many of those beautifully placed passes bouncing out of Little’s hands on 3rd down right now.
-Ken

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