Archive for January, 2014

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I have never worn a piece of their clothing, nor have I ever stepped foot into one of their stores, but if they keep using pages like this for their advertising, I’m all in on American Apparel. Even after the whole bush in the ads debacle.

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It gets way better, click the link. Do it. You need a break from Miss Colorado.
http://americanapparel.tumblr.com/

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It has been brought to my attention that the PornHub link no longer works, so here is a new link for the full video of the number one sex tape in America

 

http://www.xatwork.com/video/GirlsDoPorn_KristyAlthaus

Sign him up for a Beastie Boys movie, not Superman/Batman

Sign him up for a Beastie Boys movie, not Superman/Batman

Variety- Warner Bros. Pictures has cast Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor and Jeremy Irons will play Alfred in the upcoming Superman-Batman film. The castings, announced Friday, come two weeks after Warner pushed production on the untitled “Superman-Batman” movie to the second quarter of this year and set a release date of May 6, 2016 as the studio departed from a July, 2015 slot. Eisenberg is best known for portraying Facebook co-creator Mark Zuckerberg in “The Social Network,” for which he received an Oscar nomination. “Superman-Batman” is in pre-production with Henry Cavill as Superman and Ben Affleck as Batman. “Man of Steel” director Zack Snyder is helming.

Basically

Basically


If you were unsure of how to ruin a franchise, this is exactly how you do it. First you push the release date back a god damn year. Then Ben Affleck as Batman is a stretch, past his chin and the ability to make his voice deep he doesn’t have much else to bring to the role. But the fucking weird kid from Social Network/Adventureland/Zombieland as the most intelligent, evil, ruthless foe Superman has? Go fuck yourself Zack Snyder. This kid has played the same wanna be quick talking Woody Allen character in every single one of his movies, there is no way he can be Luthor. Even in the shitty, yet strangely watchable, Superman Returns they knew to bring in Kevin Spacey for Lex Luthor. I’m sure Bryan Cranston would be more than willing to keep his head shaved for a big paycheck and he would absolutely kill in this part. It’s an iconic role that I can’t even get my mind around how this loser can pull off. Either way I will be there day one because I’m also a loser who has to see every superhero movie ever made. Again, fuck you Snyder.
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Jeremy Irons is a solid Alfred. Guy barely does any movies but he always kills. (Lion King reference)

-Jesse

Felix Baumgartner’s jump from space evidently had a GoPro angle, here is the Super Bowl ad showing some footage. Have extra shorts ready

They even use false ads, this girl does NOT need Spanx

They even use false ads, this girl does NOT need Spanx


TBO- There’s help on the way, Tampa Bay, for those who need a bit of help to suck in that gut. The Spanx empire of slimming shapewear will soon open a stand-alone store at the International Plaza mall, in a space where Sony once sold high-end electronics. The Spanx brand is already a global success story, selling modern girdles in a host of retail outlets. This one, however, will be the first independent Spanx retail site in the region. The story of Spanx has become legend in the retail market. Sarah Blakely was working as a sales trainer by day and performing stand-up comedy at night in the 1990s. Originally from Clearwater, Blakely was selling fax machines in the Clearwater area. She hated the feel and look of panty hose in open toed shoes, yet liked the shaping effect of the fabric elsewhere. So she cut the feet out of a pair of panty hose and had an aha moment. With a $5,000 investment and a patent (she wrote the first draft after consulting a textbook from Barnes & Noble), she began the company that reinvented the girdle for a new generation of women. She chose the name “Spanx” in part by looking at other successful brands, such as Coca-Cola and Kodak, that had a distinctive “K” sound.

There goes the fucking neighborhood. In what alternate reality is it better to have fat chicks wearing girdles than Sony selling bad ass electronics? How about instead of just another thing to trick men into loving you, women just go to a fucking Crunch and get in shape. Eat a salad instead of 19 hoe-hoes while telling yourself that men love girls with something to grab onto. That’s partially right, we love to grab onto tits and ass that are attached to a skinny body. We don’t however like to grab a huge belly and a flabby saggy ass. Just imagine this for me. You and your buddies are out on a Friday night, kinda drunk from too many Fireball shots. You see a pretty girl, long black hair (sexy), tan skin (exotic), beautiful eye lashes, nice perky boobs, small waist and a bubble butt. You go home with her and start getting nasty. You pull her hair a little, it comes off because it’s extensions. The tan starts to smear onto you because it’s sprayed on. Eye lashes fell off hours ago when you two did tequila shots. The boobs were a bra and chicken cutlet looking fakes. Small waist was thanks to Spanx and the bubble butt was padding. Fuck that shit. And guys get bitched at for lying about having a different job or driving a different car or not being single. Gimme a fucking break bitches.

This...

This…

Turns into this REAAAAAAAL quick

Turns into this REAAAAAAAL quick

-Jesse

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Probably coming out a little too hot with the second ‘Is She Hot?’ but that’s what we do here at Blown Call. Miley Cyrus, was hot when she first turned 18 and had long hair, refused to do drugs and probably had only been with like 19 guys. Now she’s on all kinds of drugs, fucked up her hair, and forced me to tell myself over and over “That is a girl, even though she has a boy body and haircut”

Pros– Loves drugs, probably won’t say no to anything sexually, pretty eyes, pretty face, loves to be naked, obsession with corn (it’s good)
Link to NSFW photos http://www.idolator.com/7487399/miley-cyrus-nude-terry-richardson-porn
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Cons– Attempts to twerk way too much, looks like Justin Bieber, acts ghetto while using a fake Southern accent, most likely has taken a bath with Billy Ray last month, no boobs or but to speak of, has grinded on Juicy J
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Let me hear it people, Miley Cyrus, is she hot?

-Jesse

Probably hiding more than cameras in the bottom of lake

Yahoo News-Fisherman, Stephen Garnett, pulled in a long lost waterlogged camera with photos amazingly still intact, from the bottom of Lake Tahoe. As reported by KTVN Channel 2 News, Stephen’s fishing trip not only netted lake trout, but also treasured memories belonging to Jana LeVitre, who had lost her digital camera in 2011 while sailing in the same lake.

LeVitre, a Utah woman, told The Salt Lake Tribune, that when her waterproof digital camera went overboard into the 150 to 200 feet deep water, “I realized I’d just have to remember [the pictures] in my mind. I never expected to see them again.”

That is until last week when Stephen pulled the camera out of the lake’s waters. “I’m lookin’ in the water going, ‘What is that,’ and I thought it was a cell phone. So I pulled it out, no it’s a camera,” Garnett said. The fisherman brought home the Mackinaw he caught as well as the camera and showed it to his wife, Jamie Clark.

A photography hobbyist, Jamie had a special interest in the catch. “It has water in the little viewfinder where you see the pictures and it’s rusty,” Jamie explained. Then when she looked closer she found a functional memory card and excitedly recalled, “Oh my gosh! There’s 1,065 photos on there.”


Amazing when this kind of thing happens. Feel good story of the year, blah, blah, blah…
This could have gone horribly wrong for the camera owner. It’s very likely that a camera sitting on the bottom of a lake contains images of infidelity or murder. Or even worse, hundreds of selfies. My bet is that there are 3 or 4 dead bodies, a couple knives and a gun right next to where they camera was. And if there aren’t a dozen cock pics from the fisherman on that camera then I don’t know anything about fishing.

-Ken

We live in a time where we have the ability to make anything float. We’ve conquered sinking, people.

This kind of thing doesn’t happen by accident. Keep digging around down there. This woman might be a serial killer who is on the verge of being caught. Don’t let up now! This is her car accident and her bone is sticking out of her arm! Don’t give her your shirt!