China Lifts Ban on Videogames: World Economy Doomed

Posted: January 8, 2014 in comedy, popular culture & entertainment, satire
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Most Racist Stock Photo Ever? Maybe.

GAMEVISION: China is lifting its ban on video game consoles. The country banned them in 2000, claiming they damaged young people’s mental health. Companies like Sony and Microsoft can now build and sell their consoles in Shanghai’s free trade zone.

Good move here China. Welcome to the end of all your growth and productivity as a nation. Say goodbye to the next generation of your youth because videogames are going to wreck their lives. The rest of the world (minus any other communist, videogame banning state) has experienced the growth and refinement of gaming in real time, therefore we’ve been able to properly cope with things like ultra-realistic graphics, online gaming, chatting, and oh lord the thousands of hours of Call of Duty. You can’t just spring this kind of shit on kids all at once. The last time they legally played on a console they were a plumber looking for a bunch of stars and a stupid princess who can’t stop getting kidnapped to save her life. (Ok, so nothing ever changes with Nintendo) These kids are going to be so overloaded that they will have to quit 3 or 4 of their day jobs (2 of which are probably assembling Xbox’s and iPhones) just to keep up with the amount of gaming they will need to do to survive. And you know they’ve been making Xbox parts since they were 8 so they are dying to know what the damn thing does. It’ll be mutiny when they find out they’ve had a hand in creating dream boxes for the rest of the world’s children all the while being denied from partaking in the fun themselves. The entire world’s economy is in serious jeopardy now. Now it makes sense why Mountain Dew flavored Cheetos are being released right now. Those companies will be printing money by the time this is all over with.

-Ken

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