You Can Bet Your Dick I’ll Be Dying From Mountain Dew Flavored Cheetos

Posted: January 8, 2014 in comedy, popular culture & entertainment, satire
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mountain Dew Cheetos, Not a Dream

Well it’s about goddamn time. I’m being serious here. I’ve been waiting for a Mountain Dew flavored food since I was 11 years old. Even my dumb over sugared kid brain was smart enough to know that glow in the dark neon green Cheetos were the future and everything else was pure
shit. These snack food companies have been wasting our time and arteries on a bunch of hot and spicy chips for the last 10 years when we all know they had Mountain Dew flavoring just sitting in the corner collecting dust. I have one word for you, and it’s getting me all chubby just thinking about typing it…..Dew-Ritos. Yeah you heard me. Dew-Ritos are the next step and are what will eventually be giving you and your children diabetes, heart palpitations, hypertension, and somehow rectal cancer. I’m trademarking Dew-Ritos right after I publish this so don’t waste your time. They will be the perfect junk food that all junk foods will be measured against for the rest of infinity. And it will happen in our lives my good people. God did this! We are blessed! Tell’em Jameis! Preach it my brother!

-Ken

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