I haven’t seen all the movies nominated because I 1) Have a life and 2) Am lying about number 1, but here are my predictions based off of what I have seen or what I can guess going off of other people’s reviews. And these are just the categories I think are worth mentioning. If you care who wins for Best Original Song for a Mini-Series or whatever you’re a fucking loser. 
12

Movie Drama – 12 Years A Slave wins, even though Gravity had the early push. The Butler probably would’ve at least been nominated but it was released too early. Timing is everything in sex and movie release dates.

ah

2

Movie Comedy- The Wolf of Wall Street is my choice but I think American Hustle will win. Inside Llewyn Davis (I haven’t seen) could easily take it based on the reviews

This motherfucker is BRITISH!

This motherfucker is BRITISH!

Actor Drama- Chiwatel Ejiofor will win in a very competitive race, McConaughey and Hanks would be 2nd and 3rd. 

leo

Actor Comedy- Leonardo DiCaprio should take it but since I haven’t seen Oscar Isaac in Llewyn Davis I could be wrong. Jaoquin Pheonix was great but I think that movie

Too weird to win

Too weird to win

(Her) may be a little too weird for the voters (ala Lars and the Real Girl a few years back). Christian Bale most likely wins though since he put on a ton of weight and got really ugly. 

et

Actress Drama- Emma Thompson wins outright. Unruly bitch in a great film (Saving Mr. Banks)

Great job by Gandolfini too

Great job by Gandolfini too

Actress Comedy- Julia Louis-Dreyfus gave the most realistic performance as an older single mom but Meryl Streep is nominated so I think they have to give her the award. 

Admit it, you would hit it

Admit it, you would hit it

Supporting Actor- Jared Leto (see other blog) give him all the awards. In an effort to have 12 Years A Slave win everything they may give it to Michael Fassbender but really he was just an angry slave guy who sweated a ton. Would be highway robbery to take it from Leto. 

12 1

Supporting Actress- Lupita Nyong’o was absolutely amazing in 12 Years A Slave. For being unknown she stole the film from some great actors/performances

gravity

Director- The spanish guy who directed Gravity. One of the most beautiful films from space even though it wasn’t filmed from space. I don’t know who is nominated for cinematography but The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and Gravity should share it because Walter Mitty was real and amazing and Gravity was fake and amazing. Definitely need a new “F/X” category for cinematography (Thanks James Cameron, you Canadian fuck)

Animated- Despicable Me 2 because of the minions. I want 100 for myself

ugh guys, you stole this look from The Sopranos

ugh guys, you stole this look from The Sopranos

TV Drama- Breaking Bad and if they give it to someone else I will turn off the TV and rewatch the last season while I masturbate to how good it was. 

ka

TV Comedy- I’m guessing they give it to Modern Family (which I don’t watch) or Big Bang Theory (haven’t watched in years but Kaley Cuoco is hot enough to just give that show the award. Brooklyn 99 is my sleeper. Someone that show is really good.

apbc

bc ap

TV Actor Drama and Supporting Actor for anything on TV- Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. Paul gave some of the most gut wrenching performances ever on TV that last season and Cranston was also at his best at the end. Once again, if anyone else gets the awards, TV off, beating this dick to Netflix. 

So those are my guesses, like most things I predict or bet on I will be wrong, so don’t use me as a gambling source (just kidding bet the house!)

 

PS After Chiwetel wins for an incredible job in 12 Years a Slave, I hope they play this clip from his overall best performance in the cinematic masterpiece, Four Brothers

-Jesse

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