John Daly Continues Dominating Life

Posted: January 14, 2014 in breaking news, comedy, humor, popular culture & entertainment, satire, Sports
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84 year old John Daly seen here holding a giant crack rock. One of Tiger’s many illegitimate kids in the background.

FOX Sports-If there was ever a grip-it-and-rip-it guy, it’s John Daly. As he reminded everyone on Monday.
Daly won himself a car with a hole-in-one during a pro-am on Monday at the Jack Nicklaus course at PGA West in Southern California. And he did it with a club he had just been handed.
No, that doesn’t mean he was still getting accustomed to the club. He was literally swinging it for the first time.
A representative of club manufacturer Callaway had just delivered the 9-iron — which had been adjusted with a longer shaft for Daly — to the golfer on the tee for the 154-yard seventh hole.
“I didn’t even look at the shot,” Daly said, as reported by utsandiego.com. “I leaned over to get my tee and was telling the Callaway representative that it felt pretty good. He said, ‘Good, because it just went in the hole.’ ”
And with that, Daly had himself a new Hyundai Equus.
“Trust me,” Daly said, “with three kids I will put the new Hyundai to good use.”

Just another day in the life of John Daly. Rolled out of his Winnebago early (2:00pm) which I guarantee is sitting in the golf course parking lot, washed his head in a bucket of bleach, had breakfast at the local BW3, picked up his new outfit from the Lesbian party store, and made his way back to the course just in time to ace a hole with a club he’s never held before in his life. He definitely threw a keg party in the parking lot after his round and if he didn’t go all in with 2 pair and lose his new Hyundai by sunrise this morning than he’s not the man I thought he was.

Best golfer of our generation. I’ll take Daly’s alcohol fueled rollercoaster train wreck of a life over Tiger’s “sex addiction” scandal any day of the week. Daly has divorced more women than Tiger bagged, and has more charisma and talent in his saggy left tit than Eldrick has in his entire body.

Update: Daly doesn’t even win the car because he had already taken a shot on the hole before he made his hole in one. More classic Daly. How can he NOT know how this shit works?! Does he think he gets to stand on the tee box all day with a bucket of balls and fire away at the pin until he puts one in? Pretty sure you don’t get a mulligan on the “Hole In One Free Car Hole”, John.

-Ken

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