Soon To Be Single Dad Makes Dumb Decision

Posted: January 14, 2014 in breaking news, comedy, humor
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This is a Cthuhlu. Great image for a little girl

This is a Cthuhlu. Great image for a little girl


EOnline- Stephen McClaughlin has a daughter on the way and has asked the Internet to name her. He explains on the creatively named site NameMyDaughter.com, “To the disbelief of my wife, I have decided to let the internet name* my daughter.” He says there is an asterisk because he “knows better than to trust you” and he and his wife will choose the final name. “Alas my daughter shall not be named WackyTaco692,” he continues. “Sorry guys the wife wouldn’t go for a free for all.” And for a brief minute, the Internet selected the lovely name Amelia Mae McLaughlin. Then, like all things put to a vote on the Internet, it went to hell. The name in first place at the moment? Cthulhu All-Spark McLaughlin (Cthulhu is a “monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet and long narrow wings ” from a 1928 short story by H.P. Lovecraft. All-Spark is something from Transformers). Amelia is still at no. 2. The top 10 includes names like Charlotte and Olivia, along with:
3. Megatron
6. Zelda
8. Not Zelda
10. Streetlamp


Zelda

Zelda

Not Zelda

Not Zelda


This guy will be single soon, right? Who in their fucking right mind would stay with a guy who thinks it’s fun and wacky to let the internet name his kid? Especially a girl, that’s not too cool. With a boy you can name him Chalupa Batman and it’s pretty badass. Name him Thor or Achilles and no one bats an eye. But a little girl named Cthulhu All-Spark is going to be the most miserable whore ever. Until the day she turns 18, and legal to film, then dear ol’ dad better expect to see her on PornHub getting revenge via a 30 guy, interracial, aged 18-65 gangbang. We’ve all seen those and wondered ‘what the fuck is that old dude doing here?’ then you realize it’s a porn shoot, his wife has been dead for 18 years and he has nothing left to live for.
But good luck buddy, I’m sure even with some creative control over this that it will absolutely end in divorce and zero custody.

PS Gotta go with either Not Zelda or Streetlamp right? I’m pretty sure Robin Williams named his kid Zelda and basically Boom Roasted all other weirdos with that idea.

-Jesse

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