“Please lose this number.”

Shutdown Corner-There are 32 NFL head-coaching jobs. Even the worst of the lot is very valuable. They’re almost impossible to get. And almost all of them pay more than what any NFL assistant coach makes.
And the Cleveland Browns can’t get anyone to be their head coach.
Denver Broncos offensive coordinator Adam Gase, a 35-year-old who had never risen above position coach until this season, has told the Browns he isn’t interested according to the Denver Post’s Mike Klis.
The line about “concentrating on the Super Bowl” seems like a “I have to stay in and wash my hair” type excuse. The Browns are the last team that has a coaching vacancy. They would surely have waited two more weeks if Gase was their guy. But Gase would rather pass altogether. The Super Bowl excuse just softens the blow.
And now, Browns fans have every reason to feel pretty miserable.
At least three assistants have said no thanks to the Browns. Arizona defensive coordinator Todd Bowles, a respected coach who has been in the NFL for almost 20 years without getting a shot at a permanent head-coaching job, said no. Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels, who is from Ohio and should feel fortunate to be getting considered for a second chance after an absolute debacle in Denver, pulled out of consideration. And now Gase, with all of one year as a NFL coordinator, doesn’t want it either.
Again, there are only 32 of these jobs in the world. No coach can be sure he’ll ever get a shot at one. And multiple assistants have turned Cleveland down. The Browns can’t exactly go into a press conference after they finally hire a coach and pretend he was their first choice, can they?
The fallout from firing Rob Chudzinksi after just one year might be much stronger than first realized. The Browns fired Chudzinski after one season despite injury issues at quarterback and trading running back Trent Richardson early in the season. They canned him without any great reason, at least none that have been revealed publicly.
This is a franchise with a good defense, some good pieces on offense (tackle Joe Thomas, receiver Josh Gordon and tight end Jordan Cameron among them), the fourth overall pick of the draft and another first-rounder thanks to the Richardson trade. Cleveland has a tremendous fan base that is desperate for a winner. It should be a fairly attractive job. And nobody seems to want it.
Last week Browns owner Jimmy Haslam told fans through an open letter to not worry. Well, worrying seems to be the proper reaction now.

So this is not really news in Cleveland because all the local media had been reporting that Gase was going to decline the job anyway. But nationally, this a chance for everyone to pile on the hapless Browns and make another joke about how no one who isn’t trying to commit professional suicide wants to come within 3 states of this team. Normally I get annoyed at the trolls on the message boards taking their verbal dumps on Cleveland, its teams, and most courageously, its fans. And I love how any nationally televised Cleveland sports game can’t be aired without all of the city’s heart breaks neatly tied together in a couple graphics and a 30 second montage video featuring all of the horrifying nightmares on full display like a giant open wound for everyone in the country to spit in. Amazingly I’m used to this kind of treatment and while I will never be ok with it I’ve just come to accept the fact that most people are just dumb sheep with no imagination or creativity and will believe whatever ESPN or any person on TV tells them to think about a city or its people.
But despite the fact that everyone is stupid and should kill themselves, this kind of story does signal a potential huge problem in Cleveland. I believe that the players in college and the NFL have already bought into the idea that playing in Cleveland is a death sentence and a career ending proposition, and this has been a problem for a long time. But I think coaches have generally been smart enough to recognize any team as an opportunity to show what they can do in the league. Every coach out there thinks they have all the answers (or can hire coordinators with the answers) and that they can be the one to change the culture of a losing organization. It comes with the territory of being a coach in the ultra-competitive NFL. But now potential coaches are recognizing Cleveland as an extremely tumultuous and hopeless situation. The source of all this distrust is coming from the dumb fuckers running the organization and it starts at the top with Jimmy Haslam. No fan in Cleveland likes him, or more importantly trusts him. There’s still a fear that he’ll up and move the team someday. Why wouldn’t he? He runs a crooked organization that’s been ripping off truck drivers for years. He’s a hot head who acts impulsively. I’m not a huge Joe Banner fan but he did fleece the Colts for a first round pick by trading Richardson this year so he gets a 7 year pass from me. But honestly, the Browns have 2 first round picks this year including the 4th overall and I am nervous as fuck that they are going to blow them with a historic degree of ineptitude. I just recently had to deal with an Anthony Bennett fiasco with the Cavs so my confidence in the drafting ability in this town is at an all-time low. We’re looking at a long snapper and place kicker in the first round right? Can’t be any better than that. And they only hit on one of them. The kicker demands to be traded on draft day.
But that’s the situation the new coach will be entering into when he ultimately decides he has no other options but to take the Cleveland job. No say in the draft, current shitty roster who hates playing there, zero quarterbacks, and a front office situation with all the certainty and composure of an erupting volcano. Good luck and congratulations on being the next fired Browns head coach, Mr. Unproven College Coordinator.

-Ken

Yes I realize at the beginning I said how I hated everyone for piling on the Browns and then did it myself, but it’s my team. I’m allowed to, you’re not. You’re dumb when you do it. I’m smart.

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