Typical Philly Postcard

Phillymag-On Monday morning at 10:30 a.m, a 34-year-old Pennsauken, New Jersey, man seemed to be feeling pretty good. According to police, he crashed his car into the Crown Fried Chicken at 5th and Lehigh in North Philadelphia and then disrobed.
An onlooker shot this video, which captures what the man does next. He was charged with a DUI. Why he wasn’t charged with indecent exposure or public lewdness is anyone’s guess. Though the video isn’t 100% clear as to the self-pleasuring activity, the man who shot the video tells me, “Oh, he was most definitely making himself feel happy.”

 

Link to the video: http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/01/28/video-crashing-crown-fried-chicken-man-strips-pleasures/

Fuckin’ Philadelphia, huh? What the hell is in the water (beer) that’s turning every man into raving sex deviants? If you’re not driving around trying to get women to eat swiss cheese off your dick, you’re crashing your car into chicken stores, jumping out naked and cranking it all over the place. How disgusting are the women in Philly that you have to bring cheese and car accidents into the mix? Look, we’ve all been there. You’re at the grocery store picking up a few things and BOOM! The sexiest block of cheese you’ve ever seen in your life! Just taunting you from the deli case. It’s all you can do to not fuck it through the glass right there but you gotta play it cool! Order up a quarter pound and bee line it home into safety and privacy of your secret sex chamber in the back of your closet. And THEN you rail that cheddar block until you’re a bloody nub. It’s just common knowledge. The dude who wrecked his car into the chicken shack was on the right track. He was trying to get home but a damn building got in the way. He just couldn’t hold it any longer. Check under his seat, guaranteed there’s at least a jar of Cheese Whiz under there. Smoking gun found, crime solved.

-Ken

Sooooo Sexy…..

Ok, that’s just adorable

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