“Is this bitch trying to get me naked already?”

Yahoo-Frank Arce’s story of survival is nothing short of miraculous. The Longview, Washington resident and employee of the Swanson Bark and Wood Products Company works with machines that turn bark into wood chips. KATU News reported that when one of the wood chippers got jammed, Frank climbed into the shut off machine to retrieve the object causing the jam. This was all in accordance with the company’s standard practices. When he was inside the wood chipper’s narrow barrel, he heard the terrifying sound of the machine’s engine starting. Someone outside started the machine, unaware that Arce was within it. The spikes and claws of the wood chipper were activated and Arce was trapped.
KATU spoke with Arce from his room at PeaceHealth SW Washington Medical center. Surprisingly the survivor told KATU, “Actually going through the machine itself wasn’t the worst part about it.” He said the worst part was, “…the not knowing what was going to happen.”
During the ten-seconds the machine was on, the Washington man remained conscious. He sustained seven broken ribs, a broken pelvis, a shattered ankle, bruised liver, broken leg, a collapsed lung and a deep cut running the length of his back.

Even from his hospital bed where he is being treated for the severe injuries, Mr. Arce said, “I’m feeling alright. I mean, not too bad. It’s been a rough couple of days but I’m doing good. I’m hanging in there.”

 

Fuck that shit! I know this guy is on all the morphine in the state of Washington, but he still seems a little too laid back for having just taken a ride through a wood chipper! A WOOD CHIPPER! On the top of my list for unimaginable ways to die, I have face first through a wood chipper right up there with drowning while watching your family get set on fire and looking at the spirit flying out of the Ark of the Covenant. Holding onto a fence at a park while an atom bomb goes off probably sucks too. I’m glad this kid lived and all and I think he might be fucking that reporter right this minute (he definitely was trying to get her in his hospital bed to check out his scars) but I’m oddly disappointed that Fargo is apparently a giant lie. I guess the body does not transform into a 100% blood bag as its being fed into a tree blender.

Also, if you’re employed by Swanson Bark and Wood Products Company and your job title is Log Getter, don’t you assume this is going to happen one day? You can be hung over on this job exactly one time, and the next thing you know you’re a bag of mulch.

-Ken

My apologies for the dumb comments on this one…

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