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Good ol’ #56 turns 55. The greatest linebacker, most likely the greatest defensive player, and quite possibly the greatest football player ever is celebrating a birthday most people probably didn’t think he would get to. LT is a thing of legend for what he did on and off the field. Literally ruined OCs lives with his reckless abandon style of play and ruined his life with his drug and hooker addictions in real life. But you know what, fuck it, he’s still alive and his stories will live on forever. Here are some of the better ones in no real order…
-Recently paid $300 to bang a 16 yr old hooker that he thought was 19. Can’t blame the guy, she lied
-Has done enough cocaine to kill the population of South Dakota (pending fact)
-He was known to hire up to 6 tricks a day
-Doesn’t remember getting drafted because he drank 41 beers that day. That’s a lot of fucking Coors Light
-The Giants took a $2 million insurance policy against him his rookie year so if he died, they would bank
-He used strawberry milkshakes full of penicillin to combat those sneaky STDs. Jimmy Cap or milkshake, gimme the shake
-Showed up to a team meeting with sex handcuffs still on. ALWAYS know where the key is LT, come on man
Made Joe Theismann’s leg look like it was made of silly putty and gross out people everywhere live on MNF
And my favorite story is how he hired whores and sent them to the opposing team to tire them out the night before a game. Greatest move ever because NO ONE turns down a hot hooker.

Add in stints in ‘Any Given Sunday’ and the WWF to round it all out and you have a Hall of Famer in the ‘How the Fuck Am I Alive’ League. Congrats buddy and Happy Birthday

Lotta white hate right there

Lotta white hate right there

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Joe Theismann tape..You’ve been warned

-Jesse

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