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NERVE- “Spreadsheets was created to approach sex in a way that is both light-hearted and improvement oriented,” says Danny Wax, Co-founder of the app. “We wanted to create an app that entices users to have some fun with their partner and share in that afterglow experience, while encouraging open dialog and feedback.” Whereas some couples might have problems approaching topics like the frequency or quality of their sex lives, fun visual and logical feedback, including 30 earned “achievements” (like Seven in Heaven for a seven-minute rendezvous and Quick Spread for three-minute trysts), feels like a low-pressure way of checking in. Of course, with all wearable and quantified tech comes a gamification component. Spreadsheets shared the stats of its 10,000 early adopters so we could investigate who has cross-country endurance and who’s a one-minute wonder. Averaging the intercourse time of all users in the United States (the app doesn’t cover foreplay), we’ve provided a ranking of duration in minutes for all 50 states and the District of Columbia as a little bonus. While finishing times of under three minutes may surprise you, remember that these are just the averages among two-pump chumps and Lotharios alike. Besides, previous research has shown that, despite the hubbub about hours-long tantric sessions, intercourse itself usually only lasts for about 3 to 13 minutes.
1. New Mexico – (7:01)
2. West Virginia – (5:38)
3. Idaho – (5:11)
4. South Carolina – (4:48)
5. Missouri – (4:22)
6. Michigan -(4:14)
7. Utah – (3:55)
8. Oregon – (3:51)
9. Nebraska – (3:47)
10. Alabama – (3:38)
11. Delaware – (3:33)
12. Hawaii – (3:28)
13. Wisconsin – (3:22)
14. North Dakota – (3:18)
15. Arizona – (3:17)
16. Maryland – (3:15)
17. Mississippi – (3:10)
18. Rhode Island – (3:09)
19. Connecticut – (3:07)
20. Texas – (3:06)
21. New Hampshire – (3:04)
22. Wyoming – (3:03)
23. New York – (3:01)
24. Pennsylvania – (2:58)
25. Maine – (2:58)
26. Washington – (2:51)
27. Iowa – (2:50)
28. Illinois – (2:49)
29. North Carolina – (2:47)
30. Tennessee – (2:46)
31. Kansas – (2:38)
32. California – (2:38)
33. Massachusetts – (2:31)
34. Florida – (2:29)
35. New Jersey – (2:28)
36. Indiana – (2:26)
37. Virginia – (2:23)
38. Oklahoma – (2:21)
39. Colorado – (2:21)
40. Minnesota – (2:19)
41. Ohio – (2:18)
42. Louisiana – (2:17)
43. Kentucky – (2:14)
44. Arkansas – (2:08)
45. District of Columbia – (2:08)
46. Nevada – (2:07)
47. Georgia – (2:07)
48. Montana – (2:03)
49. Vermont – (1:48)
50. South Dakota – (1:30)
51. Alaska – (1:21)

Fuckin’ New Mexico, ammiright? Just killing the sex game. And good ol’ Florida rolling in at number 34 with two and half minutes. TWO AND A HALF MINUTES?! That seems crazy low and that’s coming from a guy who can whack one out from the time I hear my wife pull into the driveway to her entering the house. Start to finish. But studies like these really make me feel like a better human being. One because I didn’t have to conduct the study and secondly because I’m pretty sure I’m above Florida’s average. If were talking straight doggy then I’m done in roughly 13 seconds but normal stuff I think I can hold out for longer than most in my state. And knowing my Johnson is bigger than the average dick size (5.5 inches), I’m on top of the world right now! If I shave that one hair though I’m completely fucked.

-Jesse

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