British Suck At Food: Extreme Burger Latest Example

Posted: March 26, 2014 in blown call, breaking news, comedy, Food and beverage, hockey, humor, manly humor, popular culture & entertainment, satire, television
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Part of the challenge is getting through the entire “burger” without drinking any piss warm Carlsberg. Your mouth would have more moisture inside even after you’ve been dead in the middle of the Sahara for 100 years.

The Daily Meal-The “Ulti-meatum” burger definitely puts most unhealthy food creations to shame. This 10,000 calorie meaty monstrosity, created by the team at Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop in Preston, England is a triple threat, containing three deep-fried cheeseburgers—the middle one of which is literally a “burger within a burger” — with all of the fixings. Mister Eaters will be creating a challenge for charity for anyone who thinks that they can “eat the beast” in a certain timeframe.

Corinne Clarkson, owner of Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop, got the idea for the burger after seeing it featured on “The Regular Show,” a Cartoon Network cartoon. She had only seen multiple failed attempts to re-create the “burger within a burger” online.

“Us being us, no strangers to wild and wacky creations, we saw that failure as a challenge and thought that we would have a go at this seemingly impossible to make burger,” said Clarkson. “Me personally, I would not give it a go at eating it, not the whole thing in a time limit anyway. I have sampled the burger inside the burger and it was delicious.”

Think you can handle the challenge? It will cost you around 30 U.S. dollars

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Typical Brits trying to do something that is WAAAAYYYY out of their comfort zone. First it was fighting a war in another country wearing bright red coats with giant white X’s across their chests, then it was trying to have any sense of oral hygiene. And now this crap. They’re ruining the strictly American tradition of extreme food, over indulgence, and gluttony. That burger could not look more disgusting if you served it on the queen’s wrinkled tit. First off, they cook the fuck out of every piece of meat in the country because they’re afraid of mad cow disease. Why change now? Then they serve it on a bun with zero percent moisture topped off with some Kraft singles? Two tomato slices and some weeds out of the yard. I guess my teeth would fall out of my head before I was 15 too if I tried to make them chew on hockey pucks and lawn clippings all day. Here’s how it’s done you limey twits:

Notice there is juice still inside the burger? See how the cheese is actually cheese and melts?

Observe the structural integrity and perfect form of this burger. It teases you with the idea that a bite can be taken out of it. Also you’ll notice there are other toppings to add different flavors and textures into the mix. Bacon, Mushrooms, and onion. They all provide color as well.

The Juicy Lucy. Because fuck your heart.

-Ken

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