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ESPN- Tiger Woods will miss the Masters after undergoing back surgery earlier this week for a pinched nerve that has been hurting him for several months, the world’s No. 1 player said Tuesday on his website. It will be the first time in 20 years that Woods will not play in the event.

The microdiscectomy was performed Monday by neurosurgeon Dr. Charles Rich in Park City, Utah. The statement said Woods will begin “intensive rehabilitation and soft-tissue treatment” within a week, and the goal is for him to return to competition “sometime this summer.” “After attempting to get ready for the Masters, and failing to make the necessary progress, I decided, in consultation with my doctors, to have this procedure done,” the 38-year-old Woods said in the statement. “I’d like to express my disappointment to the Augusta National membership, staff, volunteers and patrons that I will not be at the Masters. It’s a week that’s very special to me. It also looks like I’ll be forced to miss several upcoming tournaments to focus on my rehabilitation and getting healthy.”

Well there goes any chance of me watching the Masters. I, like most people in this country, only watch golf to see what Tigger is up to and since he won’t be playing I’ll still have it on, but mostly to sleep to while hungover. I like that Eldrick is pulling out of this one beforehand instead of on the back 9 when he is 36 over par. I’m sure he will be getting “intensive soft-tissue treatment” because the last time I checked my dick is soft tissue and if I’m Tiger I’d be getting all the treatment I could possibly handle. You ol’ dog you.

Fuck the Masters, let's go to Hooters and get shitfaced

Fuck the Masters, let’s go to Hooters and get shitfaced


Classic nerd move promoting his website at the end of the Tweet. No one goes to your fucking website Tiger, get over it.

-Jesse

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