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Sporting News- Keyshawn Johnson, ex-NFL star and current analyst for ESPN, was arrested early Monday morning on charges of misdemeanor domestic battery, according to TMZSports.com. The website first broke the news that Johnson had an altercation with his ex-girlfriend that resulted in him breaking her phone and injuring her hand. The incident occurred in Calabasas, Calif. Sporting News confirmed that Johnson was released from jail after posting $20,000 bail. Johnson has previously had an encounter in his neighborhood when he confronted the body guards for pop singer Justin Bieber.

First of all, why has no one ever brought up the fact that Keyshawn is the weirdest fucking name ever? Key-shawn. Mind blowingly bad. Secondly I have zero doubt that TMZ sports had nothing to do with breaking this story and one of the billion paparazzi in that neighborhood waiting for a Bieber or Kardashian to fuck up just happened to see this go down. All in all, I’m siding with Keyshawn. Bitches are fucking crazy, especially about their phones. I bet his ex was fucking around with some other dude, he found out, smashed her phone and she hurt her hand slapping the shit out of him. All a girl has to do is file a report and he will be locked up for a domestic. Take it from someone who (doesn’t) know. Keep your head, and your asshole, up Keyshawn, we don’t need you to go from “Just Throw Me the Damn Ball” to “Oh shit I Just Dropped the Damn Soap”.

-Jesse

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