Archive for May, 2014

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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I could write a huge essay about why this movie was shit but it would be just as much of a waste of time as it was to see this hunk of crap. I’m sure it was fun to make and to be on set but it didn’t translate to the screen. And I’m not comparing it to Schindler’s List and The Godfather. Just take this and compare it to the other R rated comedies of the past few years (most featuring Seth Rogen in some way) and it just doesn’t hold up. It seemed too forced, too unnatural, and just off. And a bunch of times it was noticeable they cut parts of the movie out so they could fit everything in to a certain time frame. Half of the funniest parts in the trailer aren’t even in the movie itself. Save your time and just go see Spiderman 2 again.

PS I still would give an arm and a leg to party with Zac Efron during his drinking/coke days. That would be a fucking hell of a time.
PSS And if Efron isn’t in Magic Mike 2, Channing Tatum is as dumb as he looks because that kid was made for that kind of movie, not this.

-Jesse

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Two things..Terry Crews has to be on juice, right? In all reality I do not think he is but there can be no other explanation for being that in shape at his age. You know outside of hard work, a great diet and insane genetics. Fucking asshole. Secondly, look at Jimmy Fallon with the ripped bod, late night has been good for him.

-Jesse

Shutdown Corner-Cleveland quarterbacks coach Dowell Loggains gave an Arkansas radio station the details. “We’re sitting there and they keep showing Johnny on TV, and Johnny and I are texting,” Loggains said. “And he shoots me a text and he says, ‘I wish you guys would come get me. Hurry up and draft me because I want to be there. I want to wreck this league together.’”

Now, we could translate “wreck this league” in any number of ways, but Loggains took it in the most positive way possible. “When I got that text, I forwarded it to the owner and to the head coach (Mike Pettine),” he said. “I’m like, ‘This guy wants to be here. He wants to be part of it.’ As soon as that happened, Mr. Haslam said, ‘Pull the trigger. We’re trading up to go get this guy.”’

Loggains offered up some other enticing tidbits: the Browns tried to work deals with Tennessee for the 11th pick and Dallas for the 16th pick. They also believed Kansas City was preparing to take Manziel at 23 if they hadn’t grabbed him.

 

 

Not gonna lie. I’m pretty erect right now.

I don’t care if he sent that as a mass text to EVERY team in the league. Browns read it first and replied with a resounding “Ok”

 

-Ken

 

 

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Love how they gave you you the “Billy” reminder to jump start your memory when you were trying to figure out why the hell there was an old wrinkled Jew on your TV screen NOT named Donald Sterling while you were watching a Clippers game.

Almost makes me wish I still had a VCR so I could fire up City Slickers. But sadly I threw my VCR away because City Slickers was the fucking movie that melted inside of it and ruined it.

Everyone has a VCR ruining movie and even if you at one time loved it you now hate it because it’s the reason why your $200 VCR is sitting on top of your trash can with 4 miles of tape spilling out of the front flap. Clerks ruined another VCR of mine, and to make matters worse it was a rented copy from Blockbuster so I had to buy them a new one. Fuck old technology. It took up too much space and cost me a fortune.

-Ken

-please visit my eBay page, I’m selling my X Files complete series VHS set. If you don’t want to watch them then they can be stacked up and used as furniture.

A Possible Franchise Quarterback That OTHER Team’s Fan’s Actually Wanted?


A Free Agent Signing Whose Name I’ve Heard Of?

A Favorable Draft Grade Given By People Outside Of The Browns Front Office?

Where Are Teams Going To Pass Against This Secondary?

A Good Running Back NOT Past His Prime?

The national media is doing everything they can to tear the Browns apart for “mishandling” Manziel already. They need to destroy this kid and team before the season starts otherwise what was the point of building him up in the first place? I think for the first time in my life as a Browns fan I can say that I think the team has made enough moves in the offseason that will translate into wins during the season. They can’t fuck this up now. They’re signing talent, not just warm bodies. Coaching is important and all but somewhere down the line you need to have talent on your team and the Browns simply didn’t have much for too long. We get excited about a fucking kicker for Christ’s sake! Josh Cribbs was the most exciting player for years because he ran back a zillion kickoffs during his career. Now there’s actually a pool of talent to choose from when talking about team strengths. We’re either building a strong playoff contender or the 2011 Eagles. Thank god they cut Vince Young before he called us the “Dream Team Part Deux”

-Ken

Keep your feet on the ground and keep looking for me!

Keep your feet on the ground and keep looking for me!

“Wow! Like, who new that the Green Ghost Goblin was actually the old voice actor Mr. Kasem? And he was just trying to hide from his dumb family? I guess we really are meddling kids…”

The Wrap-Casey Kasem, the 82-year old DJ has been found, a representative of the family told TheWrap.

Kasem was confirmed as missing on May 12. At that time, his daughter Kerri Kasem began seeking temporary conservatorship over her father, in order to facilitate a search effort.

In an official statement issued, the family reports, “We have received confirmation that Casey Kasem has been found. The family has grave concerns about his health and will do everything in their power to bring him back home.”

The family has been at odds with Kasem’s wife, Jean, over visitation rights. Jean Kasem has been moving Casey Kasem from hospital to hospital, and refusing to let his children see him. Casey Kasem is suffering from Lewy Body Disease, which is a similar form of dementia to Parkinson’s Disease, and has left him barely able to talk.

According to The New York Daily News, Casey Kasem was found in Washington just hours after Kerri Kasem was able to officially file a missing persons report. After hearing the news, Kerri Kasem released the following statement, ”We are grateful to the local authorities for finding my Dad. We are one step closer to bringing him home.”

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The Casey Kasem watch is officially over and I think I speak for sarcastic assholes all over the world when I say “Thank God!”
During this whole ordeal I learned a great deal about Mr. Kasem’s life and career most notably being the fact that he is still alive.
Actually I only know 3 real things about him and they are as follows: He did the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo, He did a radio show where he counted down popular songs called American Top 40 (similar to Carson Daly on TRL for all you imagination deficient youngsters who needed your eyes to help you hear music better) And he hosted a dance party at The Max on Saved By The Bell. Everything else he’s ever done in his entire life is completely inconsequential and trivial to me or anyone else until his recent bout of disappearing. I really feel like he would have been a much more exciting celebrity had he murdered someone or at least got a bunch of DUI’s. He seemed like the type to have a little bit of Robert Blake in him but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I do feel bad for him about the whole not being able to talk thing. The man made a living with his voice and now it’s left him as part of an even more debilitating disease. That’s be like if (when) I had a stroke and couldn’t walk or chew my own food anymore, add on top of that not being able to use my hands to blog or play videogames…After reading that last sentence over again I’ve decided to kill myself. I’ve completely wasted my life. I’m going to call my mother and apologize for the shame I’ve undoubtedly plagued her with and then go walk into some traffic.

-Ken

-So when I put together that Kasey Casem milk carton picture I had to paste his picture over a picture of a little kid that was missing from 20 years ago. Very weird feeling. I hope that little girl made it home and enjoys reading dumb blogs and watching MTV like all Americans should get a chance to do.

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Vulture- Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow and producer Megan Ellison are teaming up again. According to The Wrap, Kathryn Bigelow will direct an adaptation of Anand Giridharadas’s nonfiction book The True American: Murder and Mercy in Texas, with Tom Hardy attached as the lead and Ellison’s Annapurna Pictures set to produce. The book tells the story of Mark Stroman, a self-proclaimed “American terrorist” (presumably Hardy) who shoots and nearly kills a Bangladeshi immigrant in a Dallas minimart, and the intertwining lives of the two men in the following decades. With Bigelow helming another morally fraught post-9/11 terrorist saga, Hardy playing another macho bad guy, and Ellison producing another film with “American” in the title, it sounds like everyone is sticking to what they do best. Are you paying attention, Academy voters of the future?

Everyone knows, and I have well documented, my love for Tom Hardy. Talent wise I think he is one of the best actors out there and visually, forget about it, gayballs for Tommy. But all of these movies being linked to him is starting to worry me because take a look at every other great actor in the world. Daniel Day Lewis, Denzel, Christian Bale, Leo..these guys are only attatched to or actually act in like one or two movies a year (even less for Day Lewis) and the world loves them. Give us a taste of your talent and we want it in buckets. But guys like DeNiro, Pacino, and now even Johnny Depp, they are just in too many fucking movies. Now I’m afraid the same thing is happening for Tom. This year he will have at least 2, maybe 3 movies come out. Then next year he has Mad Max so the marketing will be nauseatingly overdone and he is linked to an Elton John bio, a Kray twins gangster bio, Al Capone trilogy, Splinter Cell adaptation, and now a movie about an American terrorist. Of course they won’t all get made near each other, or ever, but that’s a lot of “linked” news reports about movies and TV shows. Daddy doesn’t like that Tommy, slow it down and just give us a taste. We don’t need the whole Hardy at once.

-Jesse “Supergay”