untitled
Broward Times- A Florida gay marriage case — known in the federal court system as James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott, which challenges Florida’s refusal to recognize gay marriages that are performed legally elsewhere (Brenner and his partner married in Canada) — is sure to be one of the landmark court decisions to grind through the sunshine state. But at least one person is elbowing in to make his own point. Enter Chris Sevier, “a former Judge Advocate and combat veteran” who filed a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.” In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.” Which is? “My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.
</strong>Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I ‘fell in love’ with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.
Short on sound legal grounding (and even shorter on wit), Sevier’s filing is obviously an attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn’t agree with gay marriage (as he says in the filing, “sexual orientation” never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his “social agenda to make America a ‘gay nation.'”

Look at this fucking guy. Say all you want that he is trying to ‘punk’ the system when really he is just doing what every guys wants, committing himself to a high tech piece of machinery that gives him endless amounts of orgasms. Women are still out there if he wants to get laid but who doesn’t want to be married to your computer? It gives you literally everything you want. Hungry? Order pizza online. Horny? Pornhub.com. Clothes? Bills? Whatever, everything can and is done online. The computer isn’t going to bitch at him to pick up his underwear or to clean out the gutters. It’ll help him find a maid and a Latino to clean his roof. This is on you Rick Scott, you can’t deny true love.

-Jesse

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s