Welcome to Opening Night in the NBA and…OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY!!!!

Posted: October 17, 2017 in Sports

Look. I hate the Celtics. I hate men  named Kelly and Red. I hate the Garden. I hate to see wood arranged in a parquet fashion. I hate leprechauns. I hate green and white uniforms. I hate seeing the words “big” and “dig” in the same sentence. And of course I hate Rondo. But there is no way on earth anytime during my next 19 lifetimes that I would ever want to see anyone in a Celtics uniform try to unscrew his foot with the floor the way Gordon Hayward did tonight.  That was absolutely disgusting. And remember, I hate the entire town of Tongue Lick. I hate the phrase “anything is possible.” I really, really, really, hate Kelly Olynyk. But to reiterate,  nothing makes me feel worse than when a player gets his foot mixed up with a jar of pickles. Gruesome shit. I honestly hope he can play tomorrow at home against the Bucks, the Celtics are going to need him this year. 
But seriously, I hope he recovers. That was terrible.

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