Archive for the ‘Happy Birthday’ Category

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To the man who has saved Raider Nation.

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To the man who is equal parts Tebow in his humility and love of God, and Aaron Rodgers in his gun-slinging, brass balls, rocket fueled arm.

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To the man who has a bro-mance with Khalil Mack that an out of shape, awkward white guy can only dream of.

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To the man who made sales of guy liner go through the fucking roof (still researching the stats on that one). Happy Birthday. Heal up my friend, we have a big year ahead of us!

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PS If my next child is a boy his middle name will be Derek. Half because of Jeter, half because of Carr.

 

Jesse

Happy 29th today to Chris (and Cliff) Paul. Chris threw himself a nice party last night on the court catching fire and going 8 for 9 from long distance. And make sure you watch the video and check out these shots. They’re middle of the bucket cannon balls. A few are so center cut the net barely moves. Would have really liked to see him keep shooting even after he missed his first three ball in 9 attempts. He had another 5 for 7 in him I think.

I’m not really sure where this series is headed. I honestly did not see the Clippers rolling in and destroying OKC like that. Sure the Thunder had another hard series against the Grizzlies but game 7 was a blow out so they shouldn’t be that tired. And besides, the Clippers HAVE to be gassed after everything that’s happened to them in the last 2 weeks with Sterling and their 7 game series against the Warriors. So that means there must be matchup problems somewhere for the Thunder. Westbrook usually plays pretty well against Paul and Chris usually doesn’t hit 8 threes in a night either so I’m saying this is a stolen game by a superstar. Griffin will win a game, and so will Durant and Westbrook. So that evens the series at 2 apiece. Where do the other 2 wins come from? I feel like Griffin will literally fight his way to a narrow win outside of his massive double-double stolen win or JJ drains a 3 at the buzzer. I feel like Rivers is the better coach in the series so maybe another win swings their way. Never thought I’d talk myself into thinking the Clippers make it to the Western Conference finals.

-Ken

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Today may be the birthday of one of the best stand ups of all time, and the birthday of one of the greatest actors of all time, but fuck them. Seinfeld and Daniel Day-Lewis get enough credit. Today is the birthday of the man who forever changed my music tastes in the mid 90s, Master P. The No Limit movement of the 90s was possibly the greatest in any era in the history of music. Just look at the hits, “Make ’em say ugh” “I got the hook up” “Them jeans” “I miss my homies” and the classic “Kenny’s Dead” And don’t forget he was easily the best sports agent of all time for Ricky Williams. The first rap entrepreneur before Jay Z, Puffy and 50 Cent.
Celebrity Net Worth 350 million


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Literally one of the hottest chicks of all time. Hall of Fame face and body. Not much more to say than that. She’s been banged by Jeter, she has caused many unborn children to fall onto tube socks thanks to ‘Into the Blue’, she’s so hot that racists don’t even care to Wikipedia what race she is before they smack the ham. The one and only, Jessica Alba.

NSFW Pictures in the mix
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IF YOU SAY YOU WOULDN’T BECAUSE SHE’S PREGNANT, YOU ARE LYING
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A couple days ago we celebrated the birthday of Jack Nicolson. Now we get to honor the Don. Cappo di tutti cappi. Scarface. Big Boy Caprice. Ricky Roma. Carlito. Lefty Ruggiero. Serpico. Colonel Slade. The guy from Dog Day Afternoon. I mean the only person with a better resume is Al’s buddy Bobby. Sure they both have fallen off in the late 90’s and have only put out a few good roles since. But if you watch any of the movies I will list below, you will be seeing some of the best acting that has ever been or ever will be. Happy Birthday Al. Whoo ahh!

Al Pacino
The Godfather
Serpico
The Godfather II
Dog Day Afternoon
(seriously, those are 4 movies in order, holy shit)
…And Justice for All
Scarface
Sea of Love
Dick Tracy
The Godfather III (oh fuck off it has to be on the list)
Glengarry Glen Ross
Scent of a Woman

Carlito’s Way
Heat
Donnie Brasco
The Insider
Any Given Sunday
Insomnia
Angels in America (TV)
You Don’t Know Jack (TV)
Phil Spector (TV)

I was going to do the list like a normal sentence but this way you get a full look at how fucking amazing it is. Holy shit.

-Jesse

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Few people can go by just one name and even fewer can do it without forcing it. Beyoncé, Madonna, Moby. All people who refuse to use both names. Someone like Jack Nicholson didn’t have to do shit other than be the coolest motherfucker ever and people know him by just his first name. The man needs literally no introduction so I’m done. Happy Birthday Mr. Nicholson.


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NET WORTH- 400 MILLION

-Jesse

Can’t hide behind your computer anymore and be a nameless faceless complaining consumer anymore. You will get called the fuck out.

This dumb bitch Elle decided to call out US Airways on Twitter and they weren’t havin’ none of that shit. They got your money you dummy, you think they care what you think now? They apologized once and gave her the option to shut the fuck up, but she had to push it like a self important bitch will tend to do. You shake the cage one more time and *BAM*! Airplane in the pussy pic right across your face. Eat it. And don’t pretend like you didn’t deserve it because you 100% did.
Now US Airways is scrambling to act like something went haywire in the system and they can’t believe that something like that happened, but I guarantee it was a calculated move on their part. For the price of buying this idiot a few round trips across the states they have effectively ended all twitter bashing about shitty delays and horrible customer service that people love to do when they’re sitting on a tarmac all fucking day for no reason.

This is a complete Jesse move what is about to happen, I just feel like we always post the unedited stuff, whether it’s good looking or not so much, so here are some pictures of my favorite things and then the unedited NSFW airplane tweet. Good luck.
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Two very different types of girls, both hot at some point or another. Jenna used to be the end all be all in porn and now she looks exactly how you’d expect- cracked out, covered in shitty tattoos and old as fuck. Leighton used to be a super good girl and looked innocent and then starred in a shitty Adam Sandler movie where she fucks her brother. But Leighton is still hot as fuck so there’s that. Here are some pics to oogle, and a few honorable mentions.
Jenna (for better or worse)
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Leighton (also while finding pics, apparently she had a sex tape..Yes please)
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Honorable mentions
Kristen Stewart, Dennis Quad, the Hef, and Jay Chandrasekhar the Indian guy from Super Troopers

Normally I do a little post about two people, some pictures, then honorable mentions. NOT TODAY. On July 4th the year before, all of these people’s parents were raw dogging their way into creating the best and brightest in Hollywood history. Funny, dramatic, handsome, beautiful, the whole gambit. So thank you America for being so god damn amazing people had to celebrate by having unprotected sex, most likely doggy style.
Marlon Brando
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Godfather- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i96VS_z8y7g
Adam Scott
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Eddie Murphy
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Italians after Rocky came out- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMqMKxJJYvY
Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYfenUt0u9A
Drunk Dad at a BBQ- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnibXEzMT7A
Alec Baldwin
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Glengarry Speech- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kZg_ALxEz0
Some 30 Rock moments- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l0kGIIW66g
The Departed- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTaVxTmB5k4
Aries Spears
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ESPN Impressions- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdWP272wb6I
Amanda Bynes
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David Hyde Pearce
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Tony Orlando
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Wayne Newton
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Lyle Alzado
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Jared Allen
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Paris Jackson (I wonder who her real dad is because Michael Jackson you are NOT the father)
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The woman once called the “Hottest Girl In Porn” and one ninth of the Wu-Tang Clan both celebrate their birthdays on April Fool’s Day. It makes sense when you think of it. Jenna was a porn star with 299 films ‘under her belt’ (get it? her vagina) and now she has left porn to start the XXXchurch for other fellow porn people. Almost seems like an April Fool’s prank. And Method Man is funny as shit so I’m sure he has pulled his fair share of stunts like “Hey, Redman and I are going to make a TV show! Just kidding it’s cancelled after the first 15 minutes!”. Either way here are some of the more memorable moments from the April Fool’s Day babies, Jenna and Meth!
Method Man
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Jenna Presley
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