Archive for the ‘hockey’ Category

Part of the challenge is getting through the entire “burger” without drinking any piss warm Carlsberg. Your mouth would have more moisture inside even after you’ve been dead in the middle of the Sahara for 100 years.

The Daily Meal-The “Ulti-meatum” burger definitely puts most unhealthy food creations to shame. This 10,000 calorie meaty monstrosity, created by the team at Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop in Preston, England is a triple threat, containing three deep-fried cheeseburgers—the middle one of which is literally a “burger within a burger” — with all of the fixings. Mister Eaters will be creating a challenge for charity for anyone who thinks that they can “eat the beast” in a certain timeframe.

Corinne Clarkson, owner of Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop, got the idea for the burger after seeing it featured on “The Regular Show,” a Cartoon Network cartoon. She had only seen multiple failed attempts to re-create the “burger within a burger” online.

“Us being us, no strangers to wild and wacky creations, we saw that failure as a challenge and thought that we would have a go at this seemingly impossible to make burger,” said Clarkson. “Me personally, I would not give it a go at eating it, not the whole thing in a time limit anyway. I have sampled the burger inside the burger and it was delicious.”

Think you can handle the challenge? It will cost you around 30 U.S. dollars

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Typical Brits trying to do something that is WAAAAYYYY out of their comfort zone. First it was fighting a war in another country wearing bright red coats with giant white X’s across their chests, then it was trying to have any sense of oral hygiene. And now this crap. They’re ruining the strictly American tradition of extreme food, over indulgence, and gluttony. That burger could not look more disgusting if you served it on the queen’s wrinkled tit. First off, they cook the fuck out of every piece of meat in the country because they’re afraid of mad cow disease. Why change now? Then they serve it on a bun with zero percent moisture topped off with some Kraft singles? Two tomato slices and some weeds out of the yard. I guess my teeth would fall out of my head before I was 15 too if I tried to make them chew on hockey pucks and lawn clippings all day. Here’s how it’s done you limey twits:

Notice there is juice still inside the burger? See how the cheese is actually cheese and melts?

Observe the structural integrity and perfect form of this burger. It teases you with the idea that a bite can be taken out of it. Also you’ll notice there are other toppings to add different flavors and textures into the mix. Bacon, Mushrooms, and onion. They all provide color as well.

The Juicy Lucy. Because fuck your heart.

-Ken

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https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet

That’s the link that Twitter is providing, for it’s 8th birthday, so you can find out what your first tweet was. Of course you can find out what everyone’s first tweet was so that is what makes it more fun. Most people’s are “Hi Twitter” or “Still trying to figure this out” but mine could’ve easily been from last year or last week.

https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#JesseCornwell

Just hungover and packing to head to the Big Apple. Pretty standard on the hungover part and excited to be heading to New York.

Here are a couple other people I follow on Twitter that had some good first tweets
Mike “Cowhead” Calta from The Cowhead Show on 102.5 The Bone (Tampa radio)
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#MrCowhead

Billy Madison from The Billy Madison Show (San Antonio based radio show)
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#BMS_Billy

Big Cat from Barstool Sports
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#BarstoolBigCat

Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#adrock

Happy Birthday Twitter! Thanks for giving me immediate access to radio guys, porn stars, sports information and what shoes Ad Rock wants to buy.
-Jesse

Puck Daddy-Rich Peverley of the Dallas Stars collapsed on their bench during the first period of Monday night’s game against the Columbus Blue Jackets, and was immediately tended to by medical personnel before being taken to the hospital.

After a lengthy delay, and with the players on both teams stunned, the NHL elected to postpone the rest of the game.

The NHL’s statement:

Dallas player Rich Peverley is doing well and is in stable condition. He has has been transported to the hospital. As a result of the emotional state of the players on both teams caused by the medical emergency, the game is being postponed. We apologize for any inconvenience and we thank the fans.

With 13:37 left in the first period, Dallas players started pouring over the boards to get the officials’ attention to stop the action. The Blue Jackets’ players stood up and craned their necks to the left toward the Dallas bench, where personnel were frantically surrounding Peverley.

Trainers quickly carried him to the back without a stretcher by his hands and legs. The players stood around for several minutes, some players on one knee on the ice, before both teams returned to their locker rooms.

Crazy night down in Dallas as Rich Peverley collapses on the bench just after finishing a shift. The team doctor resuscitated him stated later that he had experienced a “cardiac event.” Of course in typical hockey player fashion Peverley asked if he could get back on the ice because the Stars were down a goal. Just making all of us normal pussy men look even worse, Rich. Thanks for nothing. Glad he’s ok but even if he’d died I’m sure his corpse would still be manlier than me.

-Ken

The stupid Lightning have done nothing but piss me off since the Olympic break. they’re 1-4 and have only earned 2 points. They open up a 6 game home stand tonight against the shitty Sabres so at least they’ll get back on track right? Nope. Still can’t score even with Stamkos back on the ice shooting 400 mph one-timers 10 feet from the net. But I have to say they played really hard tonight. They had plenty of chances. But playing hard and losing to the shittiest team in the East does not make me feel all warm and tingly. Watching someone getting their knee blown out does. So it wasn’t the worst night ever.

-Ken

Well fuck. In what’s becoming an unsettling trend, the Lightning are getting early leads only to lose outright without getting any points. Stamkos can’t get back early enough. But what kind of sick player is Oshie? I was doing the bull dance in my living room 2 weeks ago when he beat the dirty Russians in a shootout and when he scored shorthanded tonight I chubbed up a little. I think I’m falling in love?

-Ken

Sochi in 2 years. Guaranteed


The Bronze medal game happened today and not one American gave a flying fuck. And the only ones less excited about it were the players themselves. I stopped watching after…I don’t know. 43-0? 44? I can’t remember. It’s been a rough couple of days for the good ol’ USA and the gold medals. We got jobbed by some pretty horrific officiating on the women’s side, and then the men’s side remembered their big weakness going into the Olympics was not having enough scoring. Bad time to get all that figured out. Our women’s figure skater who actually has the name Gold didn’t even medal. Some fat guy with a strained foot won bronze in bob sledding. Yippee!! I feel like most Americans (you know, because I definitely have a finger on the pulse of what America is thinking) are done with the Olympics and can’t wait for it all to be over with. They’ve pretty much been a bust. Russia sucks and has been a weird host. It’s like going to that one friend’s house and everything is a little off. No light bulb in the bathroom. Some weird old man in a hospital bed yelling from across the house that no one ever acknowledges. The house smells like curry even though your friend is completely racist toward Indians. (Dot and feathers) His dad always calls him into the other room to talk about some church thing…..You know, weird shit. The whole world doesn’t trust Russia and we all feel bad for its athletes like they’re the slightly abused and poor cousin you have that you only saw on Christmas and they just sit on the floor and look sad because Santa skipped their house again this year. And you know all the new Olympic facilities will be neglected and in complete disrepair by this time next year and some photographer will be posting pictures online showing the decay and stray dogs will have taken over the city again. And the games are totally rigged because it’s in Russia and how could they not be? Does Vegas even let you bet on the Olympics? Would anyone ever be stupid enough to? Not even the most degenerate psychopath would bet a dime on that fixed garbage. Just…….Ughh…….I’m done with it. Get it off my TV so I can go back to bitching about whatever I normally bitch about. Oh, it’s over tomorrow? Not soon enough.

-ken

I truthfully don’t know what the final score of the game was and I don’t care enough to find out. It’s literally 2 clicks away on my desktop but I can’t be bothered.

Sure you beat us today 1-0, but this fucking loser is from your country, not ours