Posts Tagged ‘emma watson’

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This movie was a god damn disgrace. Yes, you heard that right. I am going out on a limb (not really) and saying I did not like the new movie. Were there aspects of it that I enjoyed, of course, it’s still a tale as old as time. But let’s get a couple things straight before a bunch of people say this is better than the original.

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First of all, Emma Watson is my girl. She’s might marry one, fuck one and I’ll kill you for ever saying anything bad about her, only I can do that. Her looks were top notch. Breathtaking. Her singing was something I will clearly have to overlook should I ever kidnap her and force her into a marriage. They easily could’ve picked some other pretty actress who can sing.

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Secondly, Gaston was like 5’10. Sure he looked kind of tall next to midget Olaf but come the fuck on, Gaston is supposed to be as big as an actual Beast and this guy could probably barely ride the Tea Cups at Disney without a booster seat.

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Lastly, and it’s kind of a two parter, Lumiere was awful and he fucked up Be Our Guest. A song I voted as my favorite Disney song ever cannot get messed up in this movie. Ewan McGregor is a fine actor and seems like a cool dude but his extremely forced French accent was cringe worthy and the way they butchered the song was sickening. I threw up in the fucking theater. You can’t see the voice actors, just pick a real French guy!

So if you haven’t seen this movie keep these things in mind before going in. If you are strong enough as a human to separate the two films and enjoy them equally then you are a much better person than I. Also if you can get past the bestiality thing when they are actual live people instead of cartoons then you’re probably a fucking weirdo and need to get put on a list of some sort.

 

Jesse

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CNN- Lupita Nyong’o is having quite the ride. The “12 Years a Slave” actress has won an Oscar for best supporting actress, signed a deal with cosmetics giant Lancôme to become its first black ambassador, and now People magazine has bestowed one of its highest honors on her – “Most Beautiful person for 2014.” The Mexican-born Kenyan beauty joins a cast of Hollywood A-listers who have headed the list, including Julia Roberts, Cindy Crawford, Tom Cruise and Beyonce. This year she topped others on the list including “The Americans” star Keri Russell, singer Pink and Johnny Depp’s future wife, actress Amber Heard.

I think People Magazine had their hearts in the right place for this, but this is not an emotional category. She was great in the movie ’12 Years a Slave’ and she won the Oscar for it which was well deserved but this is just horseshit. Is she repulsive? Of course not. Most beautiful in the world? Cooooommmmmee oonnnnnnnn

Just one look at the other 3 people CNN listed and you have better looking women. Amber Heard is fucking breathtaking. Yeah, she’s so hot I had to use the gayest word to describe her. Fucking Johnny Depp. All in all I’m sure it’s really nice for her to win but this is pure, outright highway robbery.

My choices for who should’ve won
Amber Heard
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Blake Lively
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Kaley Cuoco
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And the Hottest Chick in the Streets Right Now…Emma Watson

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She is cut your own dick off with a spoon hot.

-Jesse

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People- Hold on to your Sorting Hats, Potterheads: J.K. Rowling has just rocked your world. In a new interview, the Harry Potter author, 48, admits she regrets not having Harry and indispensable friend Hermione Granger get together at the end of the series, rather than Hermione and fellow BFF Ron Weasley. Rowling’s interviewer? None other than Hermione herself, AKA Emma Watson, who played the brainy heroine in all the Potter films. “I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment,” Rowling tells Watson for the latest issue of Wonderland, a UK magazine the actress guest edited this month. (Excerpts of the interview were just published in the UK Sunday Times.) “That’s how it was conceived, really. For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron.”

Gross

Gross


I have to sadly admit that it really bothered me when Ron and Hermione got together. Not only because I was not the only she ended up with, but Ron fucking Weasley is a mook. How is it that the hot girl ends up with the sidekick and Harry ends up with the sidekick’s ugly sister? Bullshit moves all around Rowling, just because your books were giving you billions of dollars doesn’t mean you can just fuck everything up and give Hermione to the weird red headed kid. Write another book ala 50 Shades of Gray with Harry and Hermione and you will run the world.

-Jesse

Look at that smug beard

Look at that smug beard


People.com- Emma Watson has cast her spell on a new man. The Harry Potter star, 23, has been spotted kissing and cuddling with Oxford University rugby star Matt Janney, 21, on a Caribbean vacation ahead of her appearance at the Golden Globe Awards this weekend. A source told Britain’s Mirror of the romantic tropical getaway: “They didn’t have a care in the world. Matt was very protective of Emma – often putting his arm around her.”

Worse news I’ve heard all week. The love of my life has found someone that I do not want to fight for her affection. Emma Watson, who is easily the hottest girl in the universe, is dating a rugby player. Weird british band guys who wear skinny jeans, fine. Weird dorks that go to Brown and recite poetry, bring it on. I will ruin their lives. But a rugby player, even if they are smaller than I am, are not guys I want to throw down with. Then she has to rub it in with PDA in the Caribbean. I’m so heated right now I’m going to have to beat off twice as much today to calm down.
And I didn’t think I needed a reason to juice again but I now have found an excuse. I’m coming for you Janney. Keep your hands to your fuckin self buddy!
Here are some pictures of the future Mrs. Jesse
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-Jesse