Posts Tagged ‘florida stories’

Bradenton Herald

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So this extremely sexy, youthful lady of the night pulled a fast one on an adoption agency and unfortunate couple. My guess is she was ski poling a couple dudes at a Red Roof Inn and Baby Mama happened to be on the TV and a very, very dim light bulb went off in her super methy head. She probably called up Lester Diamond and concocted the theory that no one had seen that movie in awhile so no one could possibly think she wasn’t really pregnant and wanting to give the gift of a child to a happy couple. And god dammit she was right. Now I lived in Bradenton awhile so this all makes sense, they are beyond ass backwards in every way throughout that town. Of course the story takes the turn it should have, this bitch is in jail and definitely not pregnant but it just sucks for the people wanting the baby. But I’m sure they are thanking their lucky stars a beautiful little kid didn’t fall out of that whore’s meat wallet. Woof.

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Side note, Baby Mama is a pretty solid movie. I’m a big time Tina and Amy fan.

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Jesse

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Broward Times- A Florida gay marriage case — known in the federal court system as James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott, which challenges Florida’s refusal to recognize gay marriages that are performed legally elsewhere (Brenner and his partner married in Canada) — is sure to be one of the landmark court decisions to grind through the sunshine state. But at least one person is elbowing in to make his own point. Enter Chris Sevier, “a former Judge Advocate and combat veteran” who filed a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.” In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.” Which is? “My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.
</strong>Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I ‘fell in love’ with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.
Short on sound legal grounding (and even shorter on wit), Sevier’s filing is obviously an attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn’t agree with gay marriage (as he says in the filing, “sexual orientation” never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his “social agenda to make America a ‘gay nation.'”

Look at this fucking guy. Say all you want that he is trying to ‘punk’ the system when really he is just doing what every guys wants, committing himself to a high tech piece of machinery that gives him endless amounts of orgasms. Women are still out there if he wants to get laid but who doesn’t want to be married to your computer? It gives you literally everything you want. Hungry? Order pizza online. Horny? Pornhub.com. Clothes? Bills? Whatever, everything can and is done online. The computer isn’t going to bitch at him to pick up his underwear or to clean out the gutters. It’ll help him find a maid and a Latino to clean his roof. This is on you Rick Scott, you can’t deny true love.

-Jesse

One of the biggest and worst stories in the Tampa Bay area. Some fucking loser was driving on the wrong side of the road in what looks like a suicide mission and killed four young college kids on his way. Glad this asshole died but it’s really sad he took four others with him. Here’s the video from another driver going the correct way on the highway.

-Jesse

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CBS Miami— Backers of a medical marijuana constitutional amendment in Florida are celebrating a victory of sorts after it announced they have collected enough signatures to make the 2014 ballot. Ben Pollara, the campaign manager for United for Care, sent out an email to supporters that organizers have collected more than 1.1 million signatures. “This is an enormous achievement,” Pollara wrote. Organizers have until Feb. 1 to gather 683,189 voter signatures. So far election supervisors have certified nearly 458,000 signatures. Groups pushing a constitutional amendment typically gather more signatures than needed in case some are rejected.

This is pretty big news down here in the Pill Mill Capital of the World. Although only a minor victory, it could become the first step in the long march to legalizing marijuana in Florida. What is happening now is attorney John Morgan (of Morgan & Morgan fame) is personally financing the fight to get the legalization of Medical Marijuana to be put on the ballot so people can then vote for it to happen. This won’t even legalize the stuff, it’s just to get it on the ballot to vote for it. And Mr. Morgan has dropped millions from what the rumors are (he has family members who could medically benefit from the use of weed as opposed to pills he says). That’s a ton of fucking cheddar to spend to possibly just get shut down when it comes to election time. But I respect what the guy is doing, takes a lot of balls and I hope he succeeds. Pills are stupid addicting and it’d be great for them to be the second option for sick people instead of the only one. And as someone who enjoys smoking from time to time I think it should just be legalized everywhere. It would be awesome to know I could eat a weed cookie or smoke a bowl after a shitty day and not be paranoid about going to the clink. Also, look how much fucking money is being made in Colorado right now. People cannot give up their cash fast enough to get some Purple Nurple (I really have no clue what the shit is called). So sign up people! Get it on the ballot then get your lazy, high asses off the couch and vote!
But more importantly I think it would be easier for people to get behind the weed movement if they used better pictures when writing about it. If someone mentions weed it’s always a hand with a half smoked shitty joint or an ugly person smoking. If they used normal advertising it would be legal in no time. Or just hot chicks.

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-Jesse