Posts Tagged ‘health’

So are the eyebrows dyed….?

Long hair, shotgun, and mustache=Trifecta

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Even with a douchebag haircut he’s killing it. It’s just not fair….

It’d be sacrilege to not include a pic from Roadhouse. You think I’m crazy?

So there it is. Sam Elliot has been rocking the same mustache for decades but the unique thing about him is the fact that he’s done it with long and short hair. He’s also done it young and old. He is timeless and owes it all to the hair between his nose and upper lip. He is so badass in all his movies it makes me sick. In Roadhouse he was only the most feared, aging cooler in the country. You don’t get that role unless you have the best hair in Hollywood. He was called in for the sole purpose of kicking local hillbilly ass. Legendary.


Some infected looking thing that could very easily be YOU!

Live Science-A mysterious giant virus buried for 30,000 years in Siberian permafrost has been resurrected.

 The virus only infects single-celled organisms and doesn’t closely resemble any known pathogens that harm humans.

Even so, the new discovery raises the possibility that as the climate warms and exploration expands in long-untouched regions of Siberia, humans could release ancient or eradicated viruses. These could include Neanderthal viruses or even smallpox that have lain dormant in the ice for thousands of years.

“There is now a non-zero probability that the pathogenic microbes that bothered [ancient human populations] could be revived, and most likely infect us as well,” study co-author Jean-Michel Claverie, a bioinformatics researcher at Aix-Marseille University in France, wrote in an email. “Those pathogens could be banal bacteria (curable with antibiotics) or resistant bacteria or nasty viruses. If they have been extinct for a long time, then our immune system is no longer prepared to respond to them.”

(A “non-zero” probability just means the chances of the event happening are not “impossible.”)


Hey I’ve got a great idea. Let’s dig up a bunch of ancient viruses out of the frozen earth and lock ourselves in a lab to study them for months.  Nothing could ever go wrong. It’s not like there isn’t a bunch of dead animals buried right next to the virus that was killed by it. Doesn’t take PHD and a fancy lab coat to figure out that viruses kill shit and bringing around new ones that we don’t understand is only going to end up killing us all a lot quicker. Let’s just leave the buried microscopic death machines right where they are. And if you think it’s a good idea to dig up old used to be dead shit and figure out how it works and possibly make it alive again then you haven’t watched Jurassic Park recently enough. Raptors aren’t stupid. Neither am I but I also don’t eat people and have 6 inch claws. Don’t make us all die from some stupid virus that killed everyone a million years ago. It’ll show that we’ve literally learned nothing during that time and I don’t want to be a part of the “wasted millennium” that future history books will be making fun of us for.

If that’s not enough to convince you then think of it like this. An ancient virus buried away for even only thousands of years would be similar to introducing an alien species into our environment? If you’re not concerned about what happens to humans when aliens come to earth then you haven’t watched a movie in the last 100 years. Take the shitty movie Signs and the classic Wizard of Oz. Water is the alien’s and witch’s weakness just like if humans tried to drink a glass of fire. Instant death. Maybe the strongest movie case (movies are all based on fact of course) is War of the Worlds where the aliens died from catching a cold. Their immune system can’t deal with that shit just like ours can’t deal with old viruses that already killed everyone before!

Look idiots; the world’s already going to end someday; there’s no need to rip the brakes out and bury the needle while we’re on the highway towards that cliff. Let’s just take a step back and enjoy all the other viruses that we already have that we can’t seem to solve, including the common cold. If you need me I’ll be in my bubble suit hiding under the biggest rock I can find…..Living.


“Sean, Why is that man shaving his body like a woman?!”

“I don’t know, Tom. How can he expect to seduce a woman with the chest and back of a 12 year old boy?”

“What a bunch of fucking idiots.”

Sorry Gillette. I know you’re in the business of selling razors and finding new untapped markets is all part of the deal, but you’re barking up the wrong tree on this one. Stop trying to convince men that we need to be hairless freaks and that somehow women are attracted to itchy, razor burned skin. I’m pretty sure that the tuft of hair sticking out of every one of my collars simultaneously lets women know my sperm produces nothing but flawless human specimens and makes men run and hide like an abused puppy. The toilet trembles in fear of my hairy ass. My treasure trail starts with my nose hair and doesn’t let up the whole way down. Completely relentless on the eyes and senses.

-Ken (disgusting hairball of a human)

Good Morning America- The U.S. Food and Drug Administration just announced its preliminary determination that partially hydrogenated oil is no longer generally recognized as safe for use in food. The move paves the way for a ban, or at the very least, strict limits on the fake fats, which are the primary source of artificial trans fats in the diet. Artificial trans fats are formed when food makers turn liquid oils into solid fats in a process called hydrogenation. Hydrogenation increases a food’s shelf life, but the science shows it also pumps the body full of artery-clogging fat. Think whipping up your sweet treats from a mix is a safer route to avoiding trans fats? Mixes like Keebler Ready Crust Mini Graham Cracker Pie Crust and Betty Crocker Pie Crust Mix list 2 and 2.5 grams of trans fat per serving respectively. And if you frost your own cake with Pillsbury Creamy Supreme Chocolate Fudge Frosting, you’ll add 1.5 grams of trans fats to your semi-homemade dessert.

So at first when I saw this my immediate reaction was to be pissed about how the government is taking yet another choice away from us. Our freedom is being systematically eliminated right in front of our eyes and we’re just standing around waiting to be told what to do like a bunch of sheep, man!! I always have immediate rage reactions about this stuff until I remember that I don’t really care that much. But this situation is a little different.

I always assumed I was going to die of a heart attack. And not just one of those little “Ow, my heart hurts, I better go to the hospital….no…wait….I’m slipping into unconsciousness…..I guess I’m dead……” kind of heart attacks. I’m talking about when you’re walking down the street and your heart explodes in your chest and your last words are “Gaccckkkampphm!!!” as you clutch your chest and fly to the pavement with the force of a shotgun blast. But now I know I’m not even eating the right foods in the first place. I’m getting fat eating chips and pizza and shit like that. I just went to the fridge and learned that none of my junk foods contains Trans fats!! If you have to take the time to bake a pie or cake to get all fat then you are a seriously dedicated fatty. I should have known that only the most dedicated and disgusting fatties get to have a bomb go off in their chest as their reward for a lifelong disregard for their health and appearance.  I’ve been taking the easy way out all this time. Turns out I’m more likely to have a stroke which I’ll probably live through and then suffer the rest of my pathetic life in a wheel chair not using the left side of my body (I’m left handed by the way) and not knowing where the fuck I am. I need to head over to the bakery before it’s too late for me. I suggest you do the same. Our preferred method of death is about the last decision we have left as Americans. Don’t let that get taken away too.