Posts Tagged ‘oakland raiders’

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To the man who has saved Raider Nation.

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To the man who is equal parts Tebow in his humility and love of God, and Aaron Rodgers in his gun-slinging, brass balls, rocket fueled arm.

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To the man who has a bro-mance with Khalil Mack that an out of shape, awkward white guy can only dream of.

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To the man who made sales of guy liner go through the fucking roof (still researching the stats on that one). Happy Birthday. Heal up my friend, we have a big year ahead of us!

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PS If my next child is a boy his middle name will be Derek. Half because of Jeter, half because of Carr.

 

Jesse

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ESPN: Raiders to Vegas

So the day of reckoning has finally happened and my Oakland Raiders have finally made it official. I have extremely mixed emotions about this because I grew up in Buffalo and Florida. I’ve never been to Oakland, or even west of the Mississippi, but I love the Raiders with all that is in my soul. Being 29 I first grew to love them as the LA Raiders. Didn’t know or care what Oakland was. It was Jeff Hostetler and Tim Brown and little Jesse rooting on team after team coming in at .500 or below. Then they moved back to Oak-town. And honestly I was a little pissed. Sure I was striking out in t-ball at the time so I had major issues, but I didn’t like change. It didn’t seem cool to leave flashy, fancy, “Laker” LA and move to crumby Oakland. Shit just reading that it still doesn’t. But I grew to love the gritty, crazy, fucked up world that was the little brother to big, bad San Fran. Now that I am older, grayer, fatter and raising a family, I never really thought the Mark “the Hairdo” Davis would have the sack (or money) to pull the trigger and I’d be watching OAK on tv for the rest of my days still bragging about the 3 rings we won before I was born.

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Jump to present day and I am a part of the Las Vegas Raiders Nation. Even though it’s the same team, the same coach, the same GM, they will never be the same. They won’t win on a shitty field covered in dirt. There won’t be gang fights in the parking lot, generally between two Raider fans. They just won’t seem as tough and that’s what I will miss the most. Even going 2-14 year after year, they at least seemed tough being in Oakland. So Good bye Black Hole. Hello Black Hole, the stripper that will be on stage at every club on the strip come football season 2020.  But along with a shiny new stadium comes the Super Bowl, Pro Bowls, big ticket boxing matches and UFC fights, WWE events. All things that never happened in O.Co. And the inevitability of the Fertitta brothers and Dana White buying the team a year or two after the stadium is built.

Oh well.

Let’s just see if the city will allow them to play until the lease options are over. Word on the street is they want the whole crew the fuck out of dodge asap. That will add a very interesting wrinkle into this already fucking crazy story line. Until next time children.

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Jesse

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Everyone knows the Raiders have the toughest schedule in the NFL. The other 3 teams in their division made the playoffs and just about every other team they play did as well. But there were a lot of moves made in the offseason so let’s do a quick break down of the Raiders schedule and a realistic point of view (from a rabid fan) of how they will do this year.
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 7, at NY Jets, 1 p.m. W/L
Playing on the East Coast has been a huge problem for the Raiders and last year they got trounced by the Jets. I know, I was there. But depending on whether or not they let Vick start will dictate this game. Geno=Win, Vick=Loss.
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 14, Houston, 4:25 p.m. W
Since we now have Houston’s QB and this will be our home opener I think we win this one. Hard to pick a team to win that has a new coach and no QB so far.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 21, at New England, 1 p.m. L
They’re still the Patriots? Ok, Loss.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 28, Miami, 1 p.m. (in London) W
This is a tough won to predict since it’s over in London, but I think they are just a better team than the Dolphins so I am predicting win in foggy London town (wow that was gay)
Week 5: BYE W

Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 12, San Diego, 4:05 p.m.
W
Since the Raiders have a bye I always will bet on the team that has the rest. I have no clue if the Chargers also have a Bye and I refuse to look it up until after I post this.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 19, Arizona, 4:25 p.m. W
I think to start the season the Cardinals are the better team. However I don’t think Carson and crew can keep it up this year especially not til Week 7.
Week 8: Sunday, Oct. 26, at Cleveland, 4:25 p.m. W
Because Fuck Ken that’s why.
Week 9: Sunday, Nov. 2, at Seattle, 4:25 p.m.
L
They are still the Seahawks and it’s in Seattle. No reason for the Raiders to even show up.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 9, Denver, 4:05 p.m. L
I think Peyton will play worse than last year but not by much. That D is now really nasty.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 16, at San Diego, 4:05 p.m. L
I think it’s realistic to think we can split with San Diego, especially since they always play better 2nd half of the year.
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 20, Kansas City, 8:25 p.m. W
Our only Primetime game is at home and I think we will show up big for this. It’s a short week though so I could be wrong.
Week 13: Sunday, Nov. 30, at St. Louis, 1 p.m. W
There is a good chance Bradford will be hurt come this time of the year and it’s a 10 day rest for the Raiders.
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 7, San Francisco, 4:25 p.m. L
This one could be ugly for Oakland but I’ll be watching for the stabbing reports coming from the stands.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 14, at Kansas City, 1 p.m. L
December game in KC won’t be good for the Raiders in the loudest stadium in history (maybe?)
Week 16: Sunday, Dec. 21, Buffalo, 4:25 p.m.
W
I think Buffalo will be a good team in a year or two, not sure if EJ can be a good starting QB or not. The snow will not help anything though, gonna need healthy RBs.
Week 17: Sunday, Dec. 28, at Denver, 4:25 p.m. L
Last game of the year, in Denver, most likely facing Brock Osweiler and I still don’t see the Raiders beating Denver.

Well that was fun, for a quick tally I am predicting 8/9 wins. Is that completely unrealistic? Fuck you, that’s my answer. Raider Nation..Staying retardedly optimistic since 2002.

-Jesse

Bye Felicia

Bye Felicia


BET- Six months after Naya Rivera showed up on a red carpet sporting an engagement ring from boyfriend Big Sean, a representative for the rapper told Us Weekly that they will not be getting married any time soon. “After careful thought and much consideration, Sean has made the difficult decision to call the wedding off. The recent rumors and accusations reported by so called or fake sources are simply untrue. Sean wishes Naya nothing but the best and it is still his hope that they can continue to work through their issues privately. We will not be commenting again on this matter,” the rep said. Those rumors include an article claiming that the Detroit rapper cheated on the Glee star. The Us Weekly story quotes a source who confirms that Sean is the one who called off the wedding and that, “Sean did not cheat on Naya and the allegations are 100 percent false and untrue.”

Please

Please

And thank you

And thank you


This will most likely be the one and only time I ever cite BET as my source, but I figured they would know the most in this situation. The only real reason I give a shit about this story is A) She’s super hot, B) She just got fake tits, C) She’s a Raider fan because of D) Her brother is our best TE. I remember seeing her during a game after he scored his first touchdown and it was love at first sight. A guy who can actually catch and a blazing hot girl to celebrate wildly when it happens. Now that the (actually) black Justin Bieber is out of the picture, I think it’s about time I swoop in and make my move. How could she ever turn down the advances of a married man who blogs for free and is pale as the winter moon? Like shooting fish in a barrel.

-Jesse

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ESPN- Former Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson has agreed with the Washington Redskins. Jackson will join Washington on a three-year deal, sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.
Jackson took to Twitter to announce the agreement:

The deal is worth $24 million, including $16 million guaranteed, sources told Schefter. Jackson’s addition seemed to be a certainty ever since he arrived in northern Virginia late Monday afternoon. He dined with Redskins coaches Monday night, went out with Redskins players Pierre Garcon and DeAngelo Hall later that night and met with team officials Tuesday. Both players had publicly stated their desire for Jackson to join the Redskins, as had quarterback Robert Griffin III. “Very exciting player. Determined to show he is the best and hungry to win. My kinda guy,” Griffin told ESPN’s Britt McHenry. Griffin also took to Twitter to welcome Jackson to D.C. and to the team’s receiving corps.

Motherfucker. That has to be the thought going thru every Raider/Seahawk/49er/Chiefs fan’s head this morning. I really thought he would head out to Oakland like MJD to be closer to his ‘roots’ (as in former home, not the slavery movie with the guy from Reading Rainbow) but in the end playing with an exciting young QB and the chance to buttfuck your former team twice a year was too enticing. The Redskins were garbage last year but that’s because RG3 was hurt and they had zero draft picks. They still have no picks but DeSean kinda makes up for the missing first rounder. He had a career year last year and could be even better in 2014. When he wants to he can be unstoppable either as a WR, RB, or return guy, so good job Dan Snyder you midget bastard. I hope you fall off your milk crate during the introduction press conference.

PS DeSean just think of all the murdering you could’ve done in Oakland. It won’t be the same with the east coast gangs.
-Jesse

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The biggest item in the NFL by and far is that DeSean Jackson has been released by the Eagles. Not traded for draft picks or another veteran player, not traded for cash, just released into the wind for absolutely nothing (other than cap space). Nearly every team should be calling his agent but a lot won’t because there has been a leaked story that DJax is somehow involved with the Crips in California. This would’ve meant nothing before but thanks to Aaron “I Murdered 30 People” Hernandez this is now something that teams will be looking into. Did DeSean throw up a gang sign? Did he name his rap label Jaccpot instead of JacKpot because Crips don’t put a C and K together because it stands for Crip Killer? Does he hang out with Lil Terrio because somehow that morbidly obese child is actually 45 and a Los Angeles drug lord? Who knows. Most ‘tough guys’ want to act like they are in gangs, throw up the signs, wear red or blue and claim they are super hood. But they also don’t give back to the community and donate as much time/money as someone like DeSean. Sure he could be funding the whole fucking thing for all I know but I don’t care, bring him to Oakland and make this team better.
This is all you need to see to know any team can benefit from his services

Can’t be in a gang and shout out Whoopi GoldBIRD and Barbara Walters…
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That brings me to the Raiders. Right before the weekend they signed Maurice Jones-Drew for a 3 year deal (aka an NFL minute). So in total this Free Agency the Oakland Raiders have signed Justin Tuck, Lamarr Woodley, Antonio Smith, Terell Brown, James Jones, Donald Penn, Charles Woodson, Matt Schaub and now MJD. If this were 2009-10 I would be the happiest guy on earth. The NFL probably wouldn’t have even let this happen if it was back then. But this is 2014-15 so we basically have collected every player that has been released by their former team because they have moved on to younger players who outperform the vets. Do I like the leadership and the collection of Super Bowl Ring wearers now wearing Silver and Black? Sure it will be a great locker room dynamic. Do I like that most of these guys are averaging 30 years of life and roughly 8-9 years of NFL time? Not at all. I know they are trying to get a good base team to build from but if this all crashes and burns in about 2 year when the contracts end we are FUCKED. So good luck guys!
All of the Raiders ineptitude set to a Justin Timberlake song

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She won the AVN Performer of the Year 2014 and should win for her tweets too. She is fetish hot, which means covered in tattoos from head to toe and all around her tits aka I only watch her stuff when I’m hungover and hate myself. Also she’s just like Jason Kidd where she exudes pure sexuality but I have no clue what ethnicity she is. Makes her even hotter. And she’s a Raiders fan.
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-Jesse