Manziel Told The Browns To Move Up For Him In The Draft So They Could “Wreck This League Together”

Shutdown Corner-Cleveland quarterbacks coach Dowell Loggains gave an Arkansas radio station the details. “We’re sitting there and they keep showing Johnny on TV, and Johnny and I are texting,” Loggains said. “And he shoots me a text and he says, ‘I wish you guys would come get me. Hurry up and draft me because I want to be there. I want to wreck this league together.’”

Now, we could translate “wreck this league” in any number of ways, but Loggains took it in the most positive way possible. “When I got that text, I forwarded it to the owner and to the head coach (Mike Pettine),” he said. “I’m like, ‘This guy wants to be here. He wants to be part of it.’ As soon as that happened, Mr. Haslam said, ‘Pull the trigger. We’re trading up to go get this guy.”’

Loggains offered up some other enticing tidbits: the Browns tried to work deals with Tennessee for the 11th pick and Dallas for the 16th pick. They also believed Kansas City was preparing to take Manziel at 23 if they hadn’t grabbed him.

 

 

Not gonna lie. I’m pretty erect right now.

I don’t care if he sent that as a mass text to EVERY team in the league. Browns read it first and replied with a resounding “Ok”

 

-Ken

 

 

Dan Patrick to Host Sports Jeopardy

Bleacher Report- According to the Associated Press (via Cleveland.com), Emmy-winning sportscaster Dan Patrick will play the role of Alex Trebek on Sports Jeopardy!—a sports-themed version of the popular Jeopardy! game show. Produced by Sony Pictures, Sports Jeopardy! will begin airing this fall via Crackle, a Sony-owned digital service otherwise known for distributing Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. This means Patrick and company will not be aired on NBC like the original game show. However, this mode of distribution could lead to greater interaction for viewers. Sports Jeopardy! will be made available to viewers with PlayStations, Xboxes, Apple TV and Roku—a safe and cheaper conduit on Sony’s part. The biggest difference between Patrick’s show and the old show is a mobile app reportedly in development for the program. Users watching Sports Jeopardy! on their mobile devices will be able to download an application allowing them to keep score in real time. Other such mobile Jeopardy! score trackers have been developed but not in an officially licensed capacity or with access to the exact questions posed on the show. As a sports fan, all of this news appeals to me. Given his general manner and knowledge of the game, Dan Patrick is an excellent choice to fill in as “Sports Trebek.” Hopefully we’ll see some celebrity contestant editions of Sports Jeopardy! as well. Who wouldn’t want to test just how much they know compared to actual athletes and coaches?

So basically they just took what guys do every single day of their lives, challenging each other to sports trivia, and made it into a game show. And they picked the best possible host in Dan Patrick. There has never been nor will there ever be (outside of myself and Ken) a guy that is really fucking cool and a sports nut. His show is the only one on the DirecTv channel that probably gets any views and it’s a nationally syndicated radio show too. Great idea to not put it on TV because so many people get their television second hand via the internet and/or apps on smart tvs. I haven’t had cable in 2 years and I have to miss one episode of a good show or any news and I save a shit ton of money by just having internet. Can’t wait for this show so I can boom roast Ken on football trivia.

-Jesse

Bubba Watson Wins The Masters Again Because It’s His Birthright

Great Cry Face. 8 out of 10

Here comes the waterworks in 3…2…1

Two years ago when Bubba won I assumed he was going to be a “One and Done” major winner. There was no way this back woods hick with a janky ass home made golf swing could ever duplicate the magic of winning the greatest golf tournament in 10 more lifetimes, let alone this soon. I mean this is Augusta Fucking National we’re talking about here. This isn’t your typical $20 muni track. Nothing but southern gentlemen, billionaires, and zero amount of women members walking around this place all day. This place is so old school even the caddies have to wear a bright white jump suit. I’m not sure why, but something just seems extremely racist about those outfits. There’s no foundation for that thought, it just makes sense. Like if your caddy slave decided to run away in the middle of the round it’d be easier to find them if they were wearing a glow in the dark fire retardant jump suit. But slavery ended before the club ever opened! I’ve really got to investigate this.

Anyway, Bubba winning again really confused me until I realized his game is perfect for Augusta and he is a prototypical southern man. Even down to his name. Who else besides a man named Bubba with his buttoned up shirt should ever win a southern tournament with slave caddies and women being treated as second class citizens? Who else besides a man with a pieced together in a garage, controlled chaos kind of swing could win a tournament that cuts through the woods and requires perfectly shaped shots that can be landed in a specific spot with the right amount of trajectory? The imagination of a kid and a clear mind are every bit as important as a big pink driver and a goofy hick haircut. He was created to win this tournament. Anytime he doesn’t win from now on is a travesty. Here’s to who will go down as the most winningest Masters champion of all time by the time it’s all said and done. I’m predicting 7 green jackets for Bubba. He’ll only win once a year for now on but it’ll be worth it.

-Ken

Tiger Woods to Miss the Masters

ESPN- Tiger Woods will miss the Masters after undergoing back surgery earlier this week for a pinched nerve that has been hurting him for several months, the world’s No. 1 player said Tuesday on his website. It will be the first time in 20 years that Woods will not play in the event.

Sad to say I’m missing the Masters. Thanks to the fans for so many kind wishes. http://t.co/Ofbre9VHEL

— Tiger Woods (@TigerWoods) April 1, 2014

The microdiscectomy was performed Monday by neurosurgeon Dr. Charles Rich in Park City, Utah. The statement said Woods will begin “intensive rehabilitation and soft-tissue treatment” within a week, and the goal is for him to return to competition “sometime this summer.” “After attempting to get ready for the Masters, and failing to make the necessary progress, I decided, in consultation with my doctors, to have this procedure done,” the 38-year-old Woods said in the statement. “I’d like to express my disappointment to the Augusta National membership, staff, volunteers and patrons that I will not be at the Masters. It’s a week that’s very special to me. It also looks like I’ll be forced to miss several upcoming tournaments to focus on my rehabilitation and getting healthy.”

Well there goes any chance of me watching the Masters. I, like most people in this country, only watch golf to see what Tigger is up to and since he won’t be playing I’ll still have it on, but mostly to sleep to while hungover. I like that Eldrick is pulling out of this one beforehand instead of on the back 9 when he is 36 over par. I’m sure he will be getting “intensive soft-tissue treatment” because the last time I checked my dick is soft tissue and if I’m Tiger I’d be getting all the treatment I could possibly handle. You ol’ dog you.

Fuck the Masters, let’s go to Hooters and get shitfaced

Classic nerd move promoting his website at the end of the Tweet. No one goes to your fucking website Tiger, get over it.

-Jesse