Are The Browns Getting Better?

A Possible Franchise Quarterback That OTHER Team’s Fan’s Actually Wanted?


A Free Agent Signing Whose Name I’ve Heard Of?

A Favorable Draft Grade Given By People Outside Of The Browns Front Office?

Where Are Teams Going To Pass Against This Secondary?

A Good Running Back NOT Past His Prime?

The national media is doing everything they can to tear the Browns apart for “mishandling” Manziel already. They need to destroy this kid and team before the season starts otherwise what was the point of building him up in the first place? I think for the first time in my life as a Browns fan I can say that I think the team has made enough moves in the offseason that will translate into wins during the season. They can’t fuck this up now. They’re signing talent, not just warm bodies. Coaching is important and all but somewhere down the line you need to have talent on your team and the Browns simply didn’t have much for too long. We get excited about a fucking kicker for Christ’s sake! Josh Cribbs was the most exciting player for years because he ran back a zillion kickoffs during his career. Now there’s actually a pool of talent to choose from when talking about team strengths. We’re either building a strong playoff contender or the 2011 Eagles. Thank god they cut Vince Young before he called us the “Dream Team Part Deux”

-Ken

UPDATE: Casey Kasem Has Been Found! We Can All Calm The Fuck Down

Keep your feet on the ground and keep looking for me!

“Wow! Like, who new that the Green Ghost Goblin was actually the old voice actor Mr. Kasem? And he was just trying to hide from his dumb family? I guess we really are meddling kids…”

The Wrap-Casey Kasem, the 82-year old DJ has been found, a representative of the family told TheWrap.

Kasem was confirmed as missing on May 12. At that time, his daughter Kerri Kasem began seeking temporary conservatorship over her father, in order to facilitate a search effort.

In an official statement issued, the family reports, “We have received confirmation that Casey Kasem has been found. The family has grave concerns about his health and will do everything in their power to bring him back home.”

The family has been at odds with Kasem’s wife, Jean, over visitation rights. Jean Kasem has been moving Casey Kasem from hospital to hospital, and refusing to let his children see him. Casey Kasem is suffering from Lewy Body Disease, which is a similar form of dementia to Parkinson’s Disease, and has left him barely able to talk.

According to The New York Daily News, Casey Kasem was found in Washington just hours after Kerri Kasem was able to officially file a missing persons report. After hearing the news, Kerri Kasem released the following statement, ”We are grateful to the local authorities for finding my Dad. We are one step closer to bringing him home.”

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The Casey Kasem watch is officially over and I think I speak for sarcastic assholes all over the world when I say “Thank God!”
During this whole ordeal I learned a great deal about Mr. Kasem’s life and career most notably being the fact that he is still alive.
Actually I only know 3 real things about him and they are as follows: He did the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo, He did a radio show where he counted down popular songs called American Top 40 (similar to Carson Daly on TRL for all you imagination deficient youngsters who needed your eyes to help you hear music better) And he hosted a dance party at The Max on Saved By The Bell. Everything else he’s ever done in his entire life is completely inconsequential and trivial to me or anyone else until his recent bout of disappearing. I really feel like he would have been a much more exciting celebrity had he murdered someone or at least got a bunch of DUI’s. He seemed like the type to have a little bit of Robert Blake in him but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I do feel bad for him about the whole not being able to talk thing. The man made a living with his voice and now it’s left him as part of an even more debilitating disease. That’s be like if (when) I had a stroke and couldn’t walk or chew my own food anymore, add on top of that not being able to use my hands to blog or play videogames…After reading that last sentence over again I’ve decided to kill myself. I’ve completely wasted my life. I’m going to call my mother and apologize for the shame I’ve undoubtedly plagued her with and then go walk into some traffic.

-Ken

-So when I put together that Kasey Casem milk carton picture I had to paste his picture over a picture of a little kid that was missing from 20 years ago. Very weird feeling. I hope that little girl made it home and enjoys reading dumb blogs and watching MTV like all Americans should get a chance to do.

Well That Was Fun While It Lasted…

” Great party! Is your friend Herb gonna be here?”

Play this video while reading the article for full effect:

The Sports Xchange- Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon faces a season-long suspension for a positive marijuana test, his second violation of the NFL policy, according to an ESPN “Outside the Lines” report Friday.
Gordon told the network he was unaware of the report and directed all questions to Drew Rosenhaus, who said the information was not true.
Gordon, 23, is the top playmaker on the roster. The Browns passed on two wide receivers in the top 10 of the 2014 NFL Draft on Thursday, dealing their initial pick to the Buffalo Bills, who drafted Clemson’s Sammy Watkins.
Gordon was suspended last season without pay for two games, but returned to catch 87 passes for 1,646 yards, including back-to-back 200-yard games in 14 regular-season games.
More….http://sports.yahoo.com/news/report-browns-wr-gordon-faces-221931385–nfl.html;_ylt=A0LEV1pwZW1TVloA8BFXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTB0Yjkwb3VoBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkA1ZJUDM3MF8x

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This is why I was so excited last night. It’s the reason I went to bed with a stupid shit eating grin tattooed across my face and woke up with the most solid morning wood of my entire life. I had what Browns fans NEVER have. A perfect nights sleep. Woke up in the same position as I fell asleep in, but no limbs were numb and stinging me. Didn’t have to piss in the middle of the night. The temperature under the covers were comfortably nestled somewhere between a mothers womb and the guts of a sliced open tauntaun. Heaven. I even started off my day right. Watched ESPN and listened to The Really Big Show all morning basking in the glory and enjoying those shit heads in Connecticut being forced to admit that the Browns had a good first round. Even their digs and jabs didn’t phase me today. Watched the Johnny Football Press conference. Laughed and giggled. Held back tears. But knowing deep down in the pit of my stomach that the floor was about to drop out from beneath me. Didn’t know what exactly. Just knew there was a shit storm brewing and if I wanted to get out of the way I should’ve started running last week. Cleveland CAN”T fly this high. Not enough air up there for the entire city to suck down all at once. Plus we all took off so fast we forgot to pack parachutes. When we come down, we come down HARD. Then about 6:15 my phone exploded with texts while I was reading Goodnight Moon to my son and even without looking at the screen I knew it had happened. Each vibration in my pocket felt like another knife jab into my heart. Reality had caught wind of our escape and had quickly closed in on us like a pack of wild dogs. We all scrambled for cover, clinging on to whatever hope we had. “Rosenhouse said it’s not true!” “Browns would have drafted a WR if they knew!” “Gordon said he would change!!!”

So here we are with as far as I’m concerned a TE being our number one and plenty of good WRs left in the draft and we get a lineman. I understand we need to protect Johnny and should probably only draft linemen for the next 5 rounds but we suddenly have a glaring need on the outside. There will come a time when Manziel does need to throw the football and it’d be nice if his targets had better hands than an oak tree.

On the bright side, we will have the greatest offensive line ever assembled in the history of the world. Farmer did say the league is changing. Let’s hope that means every play is a QB sneak behind 10 guards.

-Ken

So is No One Going To Talk About LeBron’s Fake New Hair? Just Me? Ok…….

I submit exhibit ‘A’ to the court: This photo was taken March 10th, 2014 after an NBA game in which LeBron played.

And now Exhibit ‘B’: This photo was taken April 23rd following another NBA game. Looks like someone got a fresh coat of paint.

Actually I can’t tell if it’s a case of canned hair or a moving hairline. Could be shaping it higher to counteract the recession but it seems like it’d have to be a little higher.
Look, LeBron and I don’t have a lot in common other than our horrible fashion sense (I’m currently wearing a 2007 Cavs Eastern Conference Champions T-Shirt for about the 4th day in a row, 1 day of which I mowed the lawn and gym shorts from high school. And when I go to the store later I’m not even going to consider changing) and our horrible hairlines. He choose another team over mine. It hurt. He then has won multiple championships. That hurts too. I’m really trying to find a way to identify with him and like him. I feel like being honest about his impending baldness would make him a lot more likable. For EVERYONE. Just shave it bald and be proud! Then put on a Yankees hat. Hats have been the only acceptable way to hide baldness since our monkey ancestors ripped out all their hair digging for ticks and then dunked their head in a pile of elephant shit to cover it up. I wear a hat, and when I put it on I immediately become 10 years younger and look slightly less menacing and perverted. Even somewhat approachable. If I could wear a hat to job interviews I’d be the most employed person you’ve ever met.

-Ken

Superman GoPro Video Clears Up a Childhood Dilemma of Mine

Every kid has been asked “If you could be a superhero would you rather fly or be invisible?” and it’s always been a toss up. As a kid without porn you would pick invisible to walk around and perv on chicks. If you were a little riskier and adventurous (aka your nuts hadn’t dropped) you chose flying so you could go anywhere at anytime. Personally I picked invisibility because I’m slightly agoraphobic so I could just disappear and chill out (aka perv out of chicks). But after watching this video I think I’m changing my stance. Thanks to POV porn you no longer have to wonder what it looks like to fuck the hottest and sluttiest girls alive but this is one of the first POV flying simulations I’ve seen that looks awesome. Thanks dudes who made this, you’ve completely mind fucked 10 year old me.

The question still remains, fly or invisible?

-Jesse

Blown Call Presents: Is She Hot? Ashley All Day

I think this is a good edition of Is She Hot? because many people may not know who Ashley All Day is. I actually found out about her because I follow Mac Miller on Twitter and he has talked about her a bunch and I watched her YouTube video “Lean”. And I am very torn as to whether or not I can say “Ashley All Day is hot” because of a few very specific reasons. So here are some pictures, her videos and my Pro and Con list, please help me decide if she is hot or not!
Pros: Super hot face, great body, tattoos, probably a Raiders fan, mixed, most likely can beat my ass, maybe lesbian
Cons: Chain smokes cigs in a gangster way, pretty hood, most likely can beat my ass, good chance has taken dongs bigger than my leg

Who is the Better Liar?

There are two situations that every man has found himself in that he is forced to lie. Sure, you want to be truthful as much as you can in life (right?) but there are just a couple instances when you are with a woman that you HAVE to lie, I just want to ask which one sounds more believable. Let me lay the scenarios: 1) You are smashing a chick for the 2nd or 3rd time, the first one was a drunken mess and you lasted hours, performed like a God and made her beg for more. Now you’re sober and you pump twice and cum like god damn Speedy Gonzales. 2) You are at a friends’ house for a small get together or party and you can feel the chicken wings/Taco Bell/Micky D’s bubbling in your stomach so you drop a nasty Dumb and Dumber style shit in the toilet. No air freshener so fuck the next dude who walks in, it’s his fault for having a small bladder. Only you open the door and it’s the girl you just started dating, she really has to pee and is rushing to get past you into the danger zone.

So who could come up with the better on the fly lie to make themselves not look like the total putz that we all really are? Quick cum or monster dump?

Who Has Less Eyebrows?

Dean Winters vs Donnie Wahlberg, who has less eyebrows?

Golf Channel; Where To Get Your Hooked Nose Broad Fix

“Are you me in 30 years?”

EEP! I was watching Golf Central this morning (staring at the screen to see moving colors and pictures with the volume down) and I realized I was focusing in on Paige and Kelly’s beaks. Which one is bigger? Which one could stab through your neck? Whose could hold more worms and twigs? I think Paige wins…by a nose.

Best Kind of Boobs Vote (All Safe For Work, I Promise)

I am just going to put links for pictures of the different kinds of boobs, those are obviously NSFW, but I just need an answer to this question. I was listening to the Billy Madison Show (thebillymadisonshow.com) this morning and they asked, what are the best kind of boobs? And that really got me thinking because there are so many good ones. Soapy, under, side, sandy, wet tshirt, wifebeater, etc. The possibilities are almost endless so I will put it to a vote, What Are the Best Kind of Boobs?

Soapy- http://twicsy.com/i/rQSTmc
Side boob- http://www.juxtapost.com/site/permlink/95d6aeb0-1a27-11e2-a2be-b1c77940f11b/post/katy_perry39s_pinup_girl_side_boob/
Underboob- http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/underboob-wow-35.jpg
Sandy boobs (link leads to a very nice video)- http://galleries.alluringvixens.com/justene2-wildgirlv/1/?ccbill=2135377
Girls POV boobs- http://brosome.com/a-lovely-little-tribute-to-the-wonderful-point-of-boob/point-of-boob-1/
Whipped Cream Boobs- http://i1.wp.com/therynoshorn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Boobsday-big-boobs-nice-rack-6.jpg
Wife Beater Boobs- http://i1.wp.com/therynoshorn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/tuesday-boobsday-pretty-girl-great-body-nice-boobs-41.jpg

-Jesse