Dan Patrick to Host Sports Jeopardy

Bleacher Report- According to the Associated Press (via Cleveland.com), Emmy-winning sportscaster Dan Patrick will play the role of Alex Trebek on Sports Jeopardy!—a sports-themed version of the popular Jeopardy! game show. Produced by Sony Pictures, Sports Jeopardy! will begin airing this fall via Crackle, a Sony-owned digital service otherwise known for distributing Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. This means Patrick and company will not be aired on NBC like the original game show. However, this mode of distribution could lead to greater interaction for viewers. Sports Jeopardy! will be made available to viewers with PlayStations, Xboxes, Apple TV and Roku—a safe and cheaper conduit on Sony’s part. The biggest difference between Patrick’s show and the old show is a mobile app reportedly in development for the program. Users watching Sports Jeopardy! on their mobile devices will be able to download an application allowing them to keep score in real time. Other such mobile Jeopardy! score trackers have been developed but not in an officially licensed capacity or with access to the exact questions posed on the show. As a sports fan, all of this news appeals to me. Given his general manner and knowledge of the game, Dan Patrick is an excellent choice to fill in as “Sports Trebek.” Hopefully we’ll see some celebrity contestant editions of Sports Jeopardy! as well. Who wouldn’t want to test just how much they know compared to actual athletes and coaches?

So basically they just took what guys do every single day of their lives, challenging each other to sports trivia, and made it into a game show. And they picked the best possible host in Dan Patrick. There has never been nor will there ever be (outside of myself and Ken) a guy that is really fucking cool and a sports nut. His show is the only one on the DirecTv channel that probably gets any views and it’s a nationally syndicated radio show too. Great idea to not put it on TV because so many people get their television second hand via the internet and/or apps on smart tvs. I haven’t had cable in 2 years and I have to miss one episode of a good show or any news and I save a shit ton of money by just having internet. Can’t wait for this show so I can boom roast Ken on football trivia.

-Jesse

Artie Lange Radio Show Being Cancelled

I don’t have much on this since I just heard it on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show, but apparently DirecTv is cancelling the radio show and the tv show. So Artie finally gets out of the hospital and they can his show, pretty fucking shitty. I really like Artie, I love how he interacts with the guests but I was never a fan of Jon Ritchie being his cohost. I understand he has the insider knowledge of being an ex pro football player. I get that it’s a comedy and sports show. Jon just spoke like he has had way too many concussions. The guy fought through sentences like Bieber fights through chicks at a concert. Loved him on the Raiders, not a huge fan of him being on the radio. Either way I hope Artie lands back on air in some way, shape or form and if it was on one of Howard’s stations that would be fucking awesome. Good luck Artie.

-Jesse

Sucks To Be A Stars Fan Today…

Ducks coach Bruce Boudreau seen here celebrating after center Nick Bonino nets the OT series winner

To be honest, I turned the game off with 4 minutes left and said, “This game is over, Dallas did what they needed to do. Get it to 7.”
Then of course and hour later when I was laying in bed looking at my phone instead of sleeping like usual I noticed they lost in OT. Brutal way to end the season.
But the most annoying part is that I turned it off right before it happened! What the hell is wrong with me?! I KNOW the last 2 minutes in a playoff NHL game are the best thing on TV any given night. ESPECIALLY if it’s a 1 or 2 goal game. ESPECIALLY if it’s a potential closeout game. Goddammit what’s wrong with me?! I watched most of the game up to that point just to see the Stars grind it out and save their season for one more game. And then I blew it all for what? Cause I had to piss and figured I might as well go to bed anyway?! Bullshit! Completely inexcusable. I’m that stupid asshole walking out of game 6 in the NBA Finals last year trying to beat traffic and talking about how we just didn’t have enough this year. Except it’s WORSE because I’m in my own stupid house with zero traffic and no lines in the toilet! Dumb dumb dumb. Just dumb.

-Dummy Ken Dumb Head

Man’s Game, Bitch!

This video represents reasons number 1 through 8,000 why I would never make it in hockey at ANY level. That and the fact that I can’t stand on skates for longer than 3 seconds without my arms going into high-speed windmills to keep my balance. Me sliding around on ice waiting to get smashed in the face with a puck sounds like a lot of fun and all but just to put my pain tolerance in perspective, I had my teeth cleaned at the dentist yesterday and I winced in pain when she sprayed cold water on my one sensitive tooth. I would literally cry and piss myself to death if my teeth stopped a 100 mph slap shot.

-Ken

……and then….he hitted the puck at meeeeee!!!!! WAAAAAHHHH!!!!

25 Highest Paid Athletes in the World

I love this list because it always makes me laugh. GMs and Executives always think they are so fucking smart signing someone who has a big year or two to a decade long contract where the biggest pay days are WELL past their primes. Let’s break down some of the more interesting people on the list.
Floyd has basically dominated the list every year since Tiger got divorced.
Crisitano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi being 2nd and 3rd makes since because people who have never watched soccer know how good they are. Simple as that, worldwide stars.
Aaron Rodgers being the highest paid football player may not seem right to some people but I don’t mind it. 40 million for last year is a little nuts for on the field performance but he is the face of the NFL. He is the future and he will be a/the top QB for years to come.
Matt Stafford, Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco being in the top 10 is fucking great. These are the guys who cashed in on a few good years (only Flacco has anything to show for it) and are now banging the buttholes of their teams cap limits. Good job boys.
The Phillies have 3 guys in the top 25 and they are in last place. I honestly don’t think Ryan Howard and Cliff Lee even play baseball anymore and I refuse to look it up for the correct information. There are 6 guys above anyone on the Yankees at all so all those “you buy your players” people can suck a dick under a bridge. (Thank God A-Rod is suspended and doesn’t count)
Gilbert Arenas. He may not be in the top 25 total but he is the 3rd highest paid NBA player and WASN’T IN THE LEAGUE. There is always someone like that and this time it’s Gilbert. Play on playa.

-Jesse

Ryan Malone Arrested On DUI And Cocaine Possession: So Can We Get Rid Of Him NOW?

WANTED: Ryan “Bugsy” Malone

CBS Sports-Tampa Bay Lightning left winger Ryan Malone was arrested early Saturday morning under suspicion of cocaine possesion and driving under the influence at 3:23 a.m. in Tampa, Fla. at Platt and Rome Streets.

Malone’s BAC was .112 and .116 according to his booking information, which is over the legal limit in Florida of .08.

Malone was booked at 5:40 a.m. and is being held on $2,500 bond.

“We are aware of the situation concerning Ryan Malone this morning,” Lightning general manager Steve Yzerman said in a statement. “Ryan will not travel with the team to Washington today, but beyond that we cannot comment further at this time.”

Malone is still in custody at the Hillsborough County Jail as of 8:19 a.m. according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department website.

According to WFLA-TV, a Tampa police officer saw Malone hit a curb while driving and pulled the Lightning forward over. The officer then found cocaine in his pants pocket.

Malone was a scratch in the Lightning’s 3-2 win vs. Columbus on Friday night at home and hasn’t played since April 5. He has five goals and has 10 assists in 57 games with the Lightning this season.

Malone has played 10 seasons in the NHL, including four years with his hometown Pittsburgh Penguins and the last six with the Lightning. He was part of the U.S. Olympic Men’s Hockey Team at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

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I can’t remember the last time Malone didn’t do something that made me want to cross check myself into a light pole and this is just another reason to dump him. He has a year left on his contract and it feels like he’s been riding it out for the last two.

And how much of a fuck does he not give to just have a bag of cocaine in his pocket while driving drunk around Tampa at 3:30 in the morning? Gotta stash that shit…..I don’t know…..SOMEWHERE? Anywhere? Other than having it buckled up in his kids car seat I can’t think of a worse place to “hide” it.

-Ken

And no I would not recommend that he “jock” it because hockey players are disgustingly dirty and I guarantee his nuts look like a moldy loaf of bread.

Well There Goes The Season

Bishop Injures His Left Wrist Tuesday Against The Maple Leafs. Out For The Rest Of The Regular Season; Maybe Playoffs

I’m not trying to sound like a kill joy here because I was so stoked for the playoffs I couldn’t stand it. But if Bishop is out for the playoffs then this team is fucked. He is/was the ONLY chance this team had making it out of the first round and actually gave them a pretty good shot of making it deep. He’s THAT good. Anders Lindback on the other hand, is like having a folding chair sitting in front of the goal. God, this team is so fucked. He better be back for the playoffs, he’s a hockey player, rub some ice on it and get back out there.

-Ken

British Suck At Food: Extreme Burger Latest Example

Part of the challenge is getting through the entire “burger” without drinking any piss warm Carlsberg. Your mouth would have more moisture inside even after you’ve been dead in the middle of the Sahara for 100 years.

The Daily Meal-The “Ulti-meatum” burger definitely puts most unhealthy food creations to shame. This 10,000 calorie meaty monstrosity, created by the team at Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop in Preston, England is a triple threat, containing three deep-fried cheeseburgers—the middle one of which is literally a “burger within a burger” — with all of the fixings. Mister Eaters will be creating a challenge for charity for anyone who thinks that they can “eat the beast” in a certain timeframe.

Corinne Clarkson, owner of Mister Eaters Fish and Chips Shop, got the idea for the burger after seeing it featured on “The Regular Show,” a Cartoon Network cartoon. She had only seen multiple failed attempts to re-create the “burger within a burger” online.

“Us being us, no strangers to wild and wacky creations, we saw that failure as a challenge and thought that we would have a go at this seemingly impossible to make burger,” said Clarkson. “Me personally, I would not give it a go at eating it, not the whole thing in a time limit anyway. I have sampled the burger inside the burger and it was delicious.”

Think you can handle the challenge? It will cost you around 30 U.S. dollars

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Typical Brits trying to do something that is WAAAAYYYY out of their comfort zone. First it was fighting a war in another country wearing bright red coats with giant white X’s across their chests, then it was trying to have any sense of oral hygiene. And now this crap. They’re ruining the strictly American tradition of extreme food, over indulgence, and gluttony. That burger could not look more disgusting if you served it on the queen’s wrinkled tit. First off, they cook the fuck out of every piece of meat in the country because they’re afraid of mad cow disease. Why change now? Then they serve it on a bun with zero percent moisture topped off with some Kraft singles? Two tomato slices and some weeds out of the yard. I guess my teeth would fall out of my head before I was 15 too if I tried to make them chew on hockey pucks and lawn clippings all day. Here’s how it’s done you limey twits:

Notice there is juice still inside the burger? See how the cheese is actually cheese and melts?

Observe the structural integrity and perfect form of this burger. It teases you with the idea that a bite can be taken out of it. Also you’ll notice there are other toppings to add different flavors and textures into the mix. Bacon, Mushrooms, and onion. They all provide color as well.

The Juicy Lucy. Because fuck your heart.

-Ken

Find Out Your First Tweet and Immediately Hate Yourself

https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet

That’s the link that Twitter is providing, for it’s 8th birthday, so you can find out what your first tweet was. Of course you can find out what everyone’s first tweet was so that is what makes it more fun. Most people’s are “Hi Twitter” or “Still trying to figure this out” but mine could’ve easily been from last year or last week.

https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#JesseCornwell

Just hungover and packing to head to the Big Apple. Pretty standard on the hungover part and excited to be heading to New York.

Here are a couple other people I follow on Twitter that had some good first tweets
Mike “Cowhead” Calta from The Cowhead Show on 102.5 The Bone (Tampa radio)
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#MrCowhead

Billy Madison from The Billy Madison Show (San Antonio based radio show)
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#BMS_Billy

Big Cat from Barstool Sports
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#BarstoolBigCat

Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys
https://discover.twitter.com/first-tweet#adrock

Happy Birthday Twitter! Thanks for giving me immediate access to radio guys, porn stars, sports information and what shoes Ad Rock wants to buy.
-Jesse

Rich Peverley Collapses On The Bench In Dallas

Puck Daddy-Rich Peverley of the Dallas Stars collapsed on their bench during the first period of Monday night’s game against the Columbus Blue Jackets, and was immediately tended to by medical personnel before being taken to the hospital.

After a lengthy delay, and with the players on both teams stunned, the NHL elected to postpone the rest of the game.

The NHL’s statement:

Dallas player Rich Peverley is doing well and is in stable condition. He has has been transported to the hospital. As a result of the emotional state of the players on both teams caused by the medical emergency, the game is being postponed. We apologize for any inconvenience and we thank the fans.

With 13:37 left in the first period, Dallas players started pouring over the boards to get the officials’ attention to stop the action. The Blue Jackets’ players stood up and craned their necks to the left toward the Dallas bench, where personnel were frantically surrounding Peverley.

Trainers quickly carried him to the back without a stretcher by his hands and legs. The players stood around for several minutes, some players on one knee on the ice, before both teams returned to their locker rooms.

Crazy night down in Dallas as Rich Peverley collapses on the bench just after finishing a shift. The team doctor resuscitated him stated later that he had experienced a “cardiac event.” Of course in typical hockey player fashion Peverley asked if he could get back on the ice because the Stars were down a goal. Just making all of us normal pussy men look even worse, Rich. Thanks for nothing. Glad he’s ok but even if he’d died I’m sure his corpse would still be manlier than me.

-Ken