UNC vs Gonzaga

 

Gotta start this off with all the information. I do not watch college basketball unless the Gators make the tournament and also make it to the Sweet Sixteen. So I have no clue what a “good game” should look like. But this game fucking sucks. UNC is awful shooting the ball. I’ve watched them miss 1 billion 3s. Gonzaga looks slightly better but also like they don’t really know what’s going on. Lot of fouls. Just a very ugly game. Maybe it’ll get better but I doubt it.

 “Baaaahhhh fucking kill me baahhhhh”

Also what the hell does a fucking ram have to do with a Tar Heel? Why can’t colleges get their shit together. Gators. Fighting Irish. Bulldogs. Cocks. Easy, simple names. The Tar Heels? Although a great hat when I was a kid, why do they also have a ram? Why not just be the rams from North Carolina? Or the tabacco field workers? Those sons of bitches are probably as tough as 10 rams…Also what I hate are the Stanford fucking trees, Auburn Tigers/War Eagles and Alabama Roll Tide aka Elephants. Can’t we just cut Alabama loose and call it a day?

 Ok she can stay.

This is my angry post because I’m sick and I hate everyone. Unless I win my bracket with a UNC win, then I only hate a few people.

 

Jesse

Best Take on the NBA Players Resting

So this morning on my slow crawl to work down the NJ Turnpike, I’m listening to Boomer and Carton like I always do. A caller brings up the “epidemic” of NBA stars resting during nationally televised games and robbing the fans of seeing LeBron flop like a fish and Steph Curry chew on a mouth guard, or shoot a 100 threes or some shit. Carton has the best take I’ve ever heard (title recall kids, that’s what brings in the big bucks), he said if the public i.e. fans, the media, everyone, didn’t make such a huge fucking deal about ‘how many rings do you have’ then this wouldn’t even be a thing. Is LeBron the best ever? By all accounts he could be when he is done playing. Does he have 6 rings? Maybe not, so clearly he isn’t the best. Shit Kobe was essentially a corpse being drug up and down the court for a few games a year just so he could try and get that 6th title…I say 6 because no one counts Russell’s 11 since he was playing against a bunch of accountants every night. Good for him, but it doesn’t count.

So if we didn’t measure every single fucking thing an individual player does based on titles no one would care as much. They would want to be out there chasing the most points scored, or most assists, or most rebounds. Basketball gets the biggest beef because when one star sits it’s a much bigger difference in the game, but every sport is like that. Brady has 5 rings, now he is better than Montana. He probably was anyway. A-Rod only got one so he can’t be better than a lot of other guys, or Griffey didn’t get any so he didn’t achieve what he was supposed to. Shit in your hat and eat it.

 

But that’s not the world we live in and it won’t be changing anytime soon. So get used to the star players taking random rests and get used to fans hating the NBA more and more than they already do.

 

Jesse

All These Months Later And I Still Hate Kelly Olynyk

 

So I’m sitting here waiting out the Celtics vs. Hawks game (just an appetizer before the Warriors game where I’m absolutely convinced Curry will somehow leave the arena in an ambulance by the 2nd quarter) and I’m watching stupid Kelly Olynyk running up and down the court like a fucking goon and I’m reminded about how much I hate his entire existence and the idiotic argument that what he did to Kevin Love in the playoffs was somehow an accident. It’s just an insult to anyone with a shred of common sense and two eyeballs that he didn’t absolutely rip his arm out of socket on purpose. The most common argument is that Olynyk is just a big clumsy goofball that doesn’t have control over his body and he accidentally latched onto his arm and fell. These are the same assholes who will try to tell you with  a straight face that Brady doesn’t deflate footballs. They just hide behind the good fortune that has befallen them and will bitch like everyone else when a call goes against them. Let’s not kid ourselves. They are just doing what any other fan would do. It’s like how Ravens fans were able to stand behind Ray Lewis all those years. There’s no way they could actually feel good as a person for cheering for him, but they lie to themselves because they know it’s their only chance to win. They buy their kids a murder’s jersey, and pretend they’re a respectable human. But I get it, I would do the same thing if I ever had a player on my team worth cheering for. It’s all part of being a fan. You sell your soul for winning. I’m prepared to do it. Just get me that cheater/murder/rapist who is good enough to win me anything and I’ll be on board.

But anyway my point is that Kelly Olynyk is a piece of shit and if he really is a clumsy oaf, then where are all of the other season ending injuries he’s caused  other players? Where is the pile of broken arms he’s left in his wake due to his inability of properly block out an opposing rebounder? Surely he would be injuring  other players on a nightly basis if he was clumsy enough to dislocate a shoulder trying to “get to a loose ball”?

Oh, he’s only ever done that to one player? In the last game of a playoff sweep where he was being dominated for the first 3 games and he was frustrated? Where he was so mentally dominated that he just decided to resort to the most bush league tactic in the history of sport and he intentionally hurt another player? Oh yeah, that’s what happened. I almost forgot. Kelly Olynyk is a pathetic goon and if JR Smith doesn’t sucker punch him in the back of his head in the first 3 minutes of the game the next time the Cavs play the Celtics then I will be greatly disappointed.

-Ken

 

 

No, It’s Perectly Normal to Lay Flat on Your Back While Resting During Games On National TV Opening Night

What am I supposed to do with this shit? What I am supposed to think here? Of course LeBron is ok, right?! How big of an asshole would I have to be to think for a split second that his back might not be 100%? Yes, we all know he got an injection last week just like he did last year during his mid-season vacation, and he came back to finish the season strong. But this doesn’t feel the same to me. Players don’t just lay around on the fucking ground for the fun of it. They’ve got some pretty decent chairs sitting right next to the court that not only give the player a great view of the action, but have plenty of back support that should satisfy any world class athlete. Common losers spend a couple thousand dollars a night to sit in those same seats every night and LeBron just pisses all over the idea by sprawling out on a blanket like he’s having a picnic. This will probably catch on and all the stars across the league and some scrubs will be laying around on the floor the next time they roll an ankle or their hamstring tightens up. (Yes I know players have done this before but now LeBron is doing it so it’s important, see?)

Anyway, I’d like to mention that the image of LeBron blatantly resting his broken back on national TV doesn’t make me think for one second that he won’t carry the entire team around on his shoulders all year AND win a title, but I’ll be damned if I don’t feel awesome about seeing it. If anything it’s a power move I guess. “Look, my spine is so fucked up I can’t even sit in a chair!….just kidding, I’m averaging 26-9-8.”

-Ken

Butt-hurt Le Batard Finally Snaps

Le Batard’s pathetic sign he actually paid money for…..

 

It’s been very hard to locate an actual Miami Heat fan in the weeks since LeBron has decided to come back to Cleveland. I live close to the nest here in Florida and until 3 weeks ago I couldn’t walk 10 feet without seeing a Heat jersey and don’t give me the bullshit excuse that the season is over and that’s why no one is wearing them. It’s the middle of the summer and perfect sleeveless weather. . And when you spend $130 on a shirt with no fucking sleeves, you can be DAMN sure it’s getting worn 5 times a week.  Even the fans that I’ve cornered into a conversation about the current state of the Heat can’t tell me anything other than they don’t care LeBron left and he owes them a big ol’ thank you for some reason that still has not been explained to me in any real coherent fashion. What the hell does LeBron owe them a thank you for?! HE was the one who brought THEM 2 more titles! Am I just getting roped in here? I mean it makes no sense even if they were purely doing it to troll Cleveland fans as Le Batard has even stated himself referring to his billboards he posted in Akron.

I thought Cavs fans could have come off better after the decision in 2010, obviously burning your own clothes in anger on national TV is not a good look, but this billboard is so much more of a bitch move I can’t even comprehend it. The jersey was on fire less than 3 minutes after LeBron said he was leaving; it was a gut reaction, in the Miami Heat of the moment. Le Batard has had weeks to formulate some kind of witty gesture to really stick it to LeBron or Cavs fans in general I guess. But the best he came up with was a passive aggressive blurb that sounds like a junior high school girl wrote it on Facebook.

I guess what I should really be saying here is the most obvious point in all of this. And this is what Le Batard and all 15 of the other Heat fans need to understand: You don’t matter anymore. You’re not important. No one cared what happened in Miami before LeBron and no one cares now because it was never about you. It was never about the Heat. It’s always been about LeBron. So you need to keep your mouths shut (as most of you have) and keep your billboards in your own city and be happy with what just happened to you for the last 4 years and understand that no one owes you a single shred of gratitude or even a half hearted thanks.

I guess Le Batard accomplished his goal of getting at least one Cleveland fan riled up but as far as I’m concerned his gesture was the dying breath of a shitty fan base and he knows he wont be talking about anything meaningful for the rest of his career so he need one last shot. ESPN suspended him for 2 days but he probably wishes they ordered him to be executed instead of having to go back and talk about Wade’s broken knees and Bosh’s crippling max deal that is already butt fucking the Heat back into the stone age.

So moments like this have brought out a new breed of Cavs fans. Fans who know we’re better than you. Prove me wrong. You can’t. Get used to it because it’s totally going to suck for you for a long time.

 

-Ken

Chris Bosh Waving Off The Help Like He’s An Egyptian King

Gotta love (hate) Bosh’s total disregard for the little worthless people who only exist to make his life more comfortable. I would be completely surprised of the towel boy was even allowed to look at him in the eyes. But seriously, why would he ever waste a half second of his life to acknowledge a poor piece of shit when he needs to focus 100% on letting Tony Parker shoot layups in his face and getting open three ball looks.

I’m not saying he needs to completely turn around and say “No thank you, Mike. I’m already adequately hydrated thanks to your attentiveness, how’s your kids doing by the way? Little Mikey Jr. get an A on his science project?”
But at least give the guy a grunt and a head twitch. Nothing worse than the dismissive hand wave.

-Ken

LeBron in Manziel Jersey;This Day Has Gone Into A Complete Tailspin

@everywhereontwitter

He does not look too happy about wearing those colors. It’s all in the body language. That, or the fact that he is almost 7 feet tall and walking through a plane. Can’t tell for sure but I’m going to assume he hates wearing a Browns jersey just as much as every Browns fan hates to see him in it.

-Ken

Kevin Durant Easily Wins MVP Award

ESPN- Oklahoma City Thunder forward Kevin Durant was named league MVP on Tuesday, collecting 119 first-place votes. It had been widely anticipated throughout the league that Durant would earn the award for the first time in his career. Heat star LeBron James was second, with six first-place votes, while Blake Griffin, Joakim Noah and James Harden rounded out the top five. Behind Durant’s team-high 33 points, the Thunder advanced to the second round of playoffs with a 120-109 victory in Game 7 on Saturday against the Memphis Grizzlies. By avoiding a Game 7 defeat, Durant dodged the most uncomfortable MVP news conference since Dirk Nowitzki’s in 2007. Nowitzki was forced to collect his MVP trophy in ’07 after the Dallas Mavericks, who went 67-15 that season, were bounced in the first round by the Golden State Warriors. Durant led the league in scoring during the regular season with 32 points per game. He becomes the first player to win both the scoring title and the MVP award in the same season since Allen Iverson did it in 2000-01, according to ESPN Stats & Information.

Everyone expected this and now it’s official, Kevin Durant is the MVP of the NBA. Sure, LeBron could get the god damn thing every year because without him the Heat would be nothing, essentially making him the most valuable player in the league because that team wins titles. But Durant had a fucking great year and it’s good to see a guy from a small market take the award and it’ll be fun to see those two battle it out for more awards as the years go. How’s that one feel Trailblazers, Greg Oden doing pretty good for you? Yea, that’s a 10 year old joke, suck it.

-Jesse

Chris Paul Is NOT Fucking Around

Happy 29th today to Chris (and Cliff) Paul. Chris threw himself a nice party last night on the court catching fire and going 8 for 9 from long distance. And make sure you watch the video and check out these shots. They’re middle of the bucket cannon balls. A few are so center cut the net barely moves. Would have really liked to see him keep shooting even after he missed his first three ball in 9 attempts. He had another 5 for 7 in him I think.

I’m not really sure where this series is headed. I honestly did not see the Clippers rolling in and destroying OKC like that. Sure the Thunder had another hard series against the Grizzlies but game 7 was a blow out so they shouldn’t be that tired. And besides, the Clippers HAVE to be gassed after everything that’s happened to them in the last 2 weeks with Sterling and their 7 game series against the Warriors. So that means there must be matchup problems somewhere for the Thunder. Westbrook usually plays pretty well against Paul and Chris usually doesn’t hit 8 threes in a night either so I’m saying this is a stolen game by a superstar. Griffin will win a game, and so will Durant and Westbrook. So that evens the series at 2 apiece. Where do the other 2 wins come from? I feel like Griffin will literally fight his way to a narrow win outside of his massive double-double stolen win or JJ drains a 3 at the buzzer. I feel like Rivers is the better coach in the series so maybe another win swings their way. Never thought I’d talk myself into thinking the Clippers make it to the Western Conference finals.

-Ken

Gilbert Arenas Punks Roy Hibbert on Instagram

http://instagram.com/p/no0AkavP_O/
http://instagram.com/p/no2ZwhPPyx/
mragentzero
13 hours ago
Damn he can’t even score on me in a video game..this is SO REAL lmaooo #getthatshitouttahere
http://instagram.com/p/no8fGdPP7I/
mragentzero
12 hours ago
They just caught Roy hibbert outside for an interview lmaoo great win tonight boys..

I’m really bad at posting Instagram pictures so just bear with me, I’m sure you can just go check out his page and find all this stuff.

Look at Agent Zero just punking the shit out of Roy Hibbert. And it’s all true. Add in the fact that Gilbert is making like 10 times as much as Roy and it makes it even better.

-Jesse