Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

download.png download.png

Gotta start this off with all the information. I do not watch college basketball unless the Gators make the tournament and also make it to the Sweet Sixteen. So I have no clue what a “good game” should look like. But this game fucking sucks. UNC is awful shooting the ball. I’ve watched them miss 1 billion 3s. Gonzaga looks slightly better but also like they don’t really know what’s going on. Lot of fouls. Just a very ugly game. Maybe it’ll get better but I doubt it.

download “Baaaahhhh fucking kill me baahhhhh”

Also what the hell does a fucking ram have to do with a Tar Heel? Why can’t colleges get their shit together. Gators. Fighting Irish. Bulldogs. Cocks. Easy, simple names. The Tar Heels? Although a great hat when I was a kid, why do they also have a ram? Why not just be the rams from North Carolina? Or the tabacco field workers? Those sons of bitches are probably as tough as 10 rams…Also what I hate are the Stanford fucking trees, Auburn Tigers/War Eagles and Alabama Roll Tide aka Elephants. Can’t we just cut Alabama loose and call it a day?

download (1).jpg

download (2).jpg Ok she can stay.

This is my angry post because I’m sick and I hate everyone. Unless I win my bracket with a UNC win, then I only hate a few people.

 

Jesse

A Possible Franchise Quarterback That OTHER Team’s Fan’s Actually Wanted?


A Free Agent Signing Whose Name I’ve Heard Of?

A Favorable Draft Grade Given By People Outside Of The Browns Front Office?

Where Are Teams Going To Pass Against This Secondary?

A Good Running Back NOT Past His Prime?

The national media is doing everything they can to tear the Browns apart for “mishandling” Manziel already. They need to destroy this kid and team before the season starts otherwise what was the point of building him up in the first place? I think for the first time in my life as a Browns fan I can say that I think the team has made enough moves in the offseason that will translate into wins during the season. They can’t fuck this up now. They’re signing talent, not just warm bodies. Coaching is important and all but somewhere down the line you need to have talent on your team and the Browns simply didn’t have much for too long. We get excited about a fucking kicker for Christ’s sake! Josh Cribbs was the most exciting player for years because he ran back a zillion kickoffs during his career. Now there’s actually a pool of talent to choose from when talking about team strengths. We’re either building a strong playoff contender or the 2011 Eagles. Thank god they cut Vince Young before he called us the “Dream Team Part Deux”

-Ken

Keep your feet on the ground and keep looking for me!

Keep your feet on the ground and keep looking for me!

“Wow! Like, who new that the Green Ghost Goblin was actually the old voice actor Mr. Kasem? And he was just trying to hide from his dumb family? I guess we really are meddling kids…”

The Wrap-Casey Kasem, the 82-year old DJ has been found, a representative of the family told TheWrap.

Kasem was confirmed as missing on May 12. At that time, his daughter Kerri Kasem began seeking temporary conservatorship over her father, in order to facilitate a search effort.

In an official statement issued, the family reports, “We have received confirmation that Casey Kasem has been found. The family has grave concerns about his health and will do everything in their power to bring him back home.”

The family has been at odds with Kasem’s wife, Jean, over visitation rights. Jean Kasem has been moving Casey Kasem from hospital to hospital, and refusing to let his children see him. Casey Kasem is suffering from Lewy Body Disease, which is a similar form of dementia to Parkinson’s Disease, and has left him barely able to talk.

According to The New York Daily News, Casey Kasem was found in Washington just hours after Kerri Kasem was able to officially file a missing persons report. After hearing the news, Kerri Kasem released the following statement, ”We are grateful to the local authorities for finding my Dad. We are one step closer to bringing him home.”

___________________________________________________________

The Casey Kasem watch is officially over and I think I speak for sarcastic assholes all over the world when I say “Thank God!”
During this whole ordeal I learned a great deal about Mr. Kasem’s life and career most notably being the fact that he is still alive.
Actually I only know 3 real things about him and they are as follows: He did the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo, He did a radio show where he counted down popular songs called American Top 40 (similar to Carson Daly on TRL for all you imagination deficient youngsters who needed your eyes to help you hear music better) And he hosted a dance party at The Max on Saved By The Bell. Everything else he’s ever done in his entire life is completely inconsequential and trivial to me or anyone else until his recent bout of disappearing. I really feel like he would have been a much more exciting celebrity had he murdered someone or at least got a bunch of DUI’s. He seemed like the type to have a little bit of Robert Blake in him but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I do feel bad for him about the whole not being able to talk thing. The man made a living with his voice and now it’s left him as part of an even more debilitating disease. That’s be like if (when) I had a stroke and couldn’t walk or chew my own food anymore, add on top of that not being able to use my hands to blog or play videogames…After reading that last sentence over again I’ve decided to kill myself. I’ve completely wasted my life. I’m going to call my mother and apologize for the shame I’ve undoubtedly plagued her with and then go walk into some traffic.

-Ken

-So when I put together that Kasey Casem milk carton picture I had to paste his picture over a picture of a little kid that was missing from 20 years ago. Very weird feeling. I hope that little girl made it home and enjoys reading dumb blogs and watching MTV like all Americans should get a chance to do.

untitled
Broadway World.com- Lionsgate (NYSE: LGF), a leading global entertainment company, and Saban Brands, a strategic brand management company that acquires and builds global consumer brands, are partnering to develop and produce an original live action feature film based on the iconic Power Rangers property, it was announced today by creator of Power Rangers Haim Saban and Lionsgate Chief Executive Officer Jon Feltheimer. The announcement marks another step in Lionsgate’s continued commitment to build a broad portfolio of Branded properties and franchises with global appeal. Saban launched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers as a live action television series more than 20 years ago, and the series has been in continuous production ever since. It has subsequently grown into one of the world’s most popular and recognizable brands, with toys, apparel, costumes, video games, DVD’s, comic books and other merchandise.

If you are in your 20-30s the Power Rangers were a huge part of your childhood. Every Saturday morning you had the Ninja Turtles, Duck Tales, Power Rangers and then the Care Bears (anyone who says they didn’t watch the Care Bears to try and be a tough guy is a fucking poser. Everyone watched that shit). I had no clue they still made Power Rangers shows and shit but it makes sense, it’s literally a never ending stream of cool shit they can do and stories to tell. I mean look at these bad guys, you can just make up someone new each week without fear of repeating yourself
images
But depending on how cheesy or ‘dark’ they make the movie it could go very well or very bad. In ’95 they made one with the original cast and it made like 70 million which is roughly 3 billion dollars in today’s money. And I know every young star in Hollywood is going to fight for a part so here is my dream cast for the new Power Rangers movie. (most are in their 30s because who knows how old the characters are supposed to be, it’s my cast fuck off)
Red Ranger (the funny one)- Ryan Reynolds (let’s hope he doesn’t fuck up this one like he did the other Superhero movies. Last chance Ryan, last chance)
Black Ranger (ninja)- Taylor Lautner (Twilight kid, he did all kinds of ninja shit on SNL)
Blue Ranger (nerd)- Jake Gyllenhaal (still has that October Sky dorkiness but can juice up and kick ass)
Yellow Ranger (tough girl?)- Megan Fox (just imagine her being all bitchy dressed in that leather costume…)
Pink Ranger (the hot chick)- Kaley Cuoco (has to be a chick everyone in the world wants to fuck)
Green Ranger (powerful)- Tom Hardy (he’s the most powerful one in my book! haha..God I’m gay for Tom Hardy)

Well there it is, Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhaal, Megan Fox, Kaley Cuoco, and Tom Hardy. If that doesn’t scream billion dollar movie then I don’t know what the fuck will. You’re welcome Hollywood, I’ll be expecting my check in the mail.
pr
-Jesse

20140310-235419.jpg
I submit exhibit ‘A’ to the court: This photo was taken March 10th, 2014 after an NBA game in which LeBron played.

And now Exhibit ‘B’: This photo was taken April 23rd following another NBA game. Looks like someone got a fresh coat of paint.

Actually I can’t tell if it’s a case of canned hair or a moving hairline. Could be shaping it higher to counteract the recession but it seems like it’d have to be a little higher.
Look, LeBron and I don’t have a lot in common other than our horrible fashion sense (I’m currently wearing a 2007 Cavs Eastern Conference Champions T-Shirt for about the 4th day in a row, 1 day of which I mowed the lawn and gym shorts from high school. And when I go to the store later I’m not even going to consider changing) and our horrible hairlines. He choose another team over mine. It hurt. He then has won multiple championships. That hurts too. I’m really trying to find a way to identify with him and like him. I feel like being honest about his impending baldness would make him a lot more likable. For EVERYONE. Just shave it bald and be proud! Then put on a Yankees hat. Hats have been the only acceptable way to hide baldness since our monkey ancestors ripped out all their hair digging for ticks and then dunked their head in a pile of elephant shit to cover it up. I wear a hat, and when I put it on I immediately become 10 years younger and look slightly less menacing and perverted. Even somewhat approachable. If I could wear a hat to job interviews I’d be the most employed person you’ve ever met.

-Ken

images
Here are the facts that make me want to see this movie asap. The Drop was written by Dennis Lehane, author of “Gone Baby Gone”, “Mystic River” and “Shutter Island” (those movies plus a lot of really good books). It is starring Tom Hardy and James Gandolfini in his final film role. It involves the cutest puppy of all time, the mafia, illegal money, a Brooklyn bar, and Gandolfini showing some flashes of Tony Soprano one last time. This isn’t the typical ‘see it in a theatre’ movie with special effects and all that jazz, but I will be there day one in the afternoon. Count on it.

Bad ass behind the scenes picture

Bad ass behind the scenes picture


-Jesse

Why this walrus did not eat his face when he had the chance I’ll never know. The sports gods must have been out to lunch or something. But what a time to step out of the office assholes.

Let me quickly add up how many times in my life I’ve ever gotten eye level on the ground face to face with an animal that outweighs me by 700lbs. Exactly zero times. And that number ain’t moving anywhere for my whole life. I’ll die from something stupid I’m almost sure of it. But whatever the cause, it sure as hell won’t be recorded on a phone at Sea World.

-Ken

Walrus seen here posing with the lunch that got away